Build Date: Thu Jan 30 23:40:22 2025 UTC
I'm gonna use this Model M until it drives all my coworkers INSANE.
-- Mr. Bad
Letters to Pigdog -- Reported 1998-01-17 by Mr. Bad | |
Dutch Treat From: "J.Timmermans" <roti@worldonline.nl> What the fuck do you mean by saying 'dutch people are evil'or something. Like you stinky Americans are so sweet and never do nasty things. You oughtta know how many Amreicans come to Holland to smoke weed or how do you call it ,Reefer???? Just because we in a way tollerate softdrugs so there won't be any mob or gangsters, making money and killing people. I'm sure this is happening everywhere in Holland. Anyway, Hippies were smoking weed, and the whole Love-generation was one happy, peacefull world to live in. Even at Lowlands, a music-festival in the Netherlands, there were fucking 45000+ people smoking weed, and what do you know?? Not a single fight or riot, or nasty things like that. Everyone was accepting each other. Could the world be better than that big 3-days event???? I hope "'ve convinced you in your opinion about the Netherlands, and if not, dan ben jij het grootst koppig stuk vreten, of gewoon vet conservatief. Stomme drol!!!!!!! Mr. Bad replies: "\/\/hatEVER! Don't ever write to us again, you degenerate FREAK-O! If you're gonna try and convince me that a country whose economy is based on legalized bestiality porn and cheap heroin is not populated ENTIRELY BY BAD PEOPLE, well, save your cheesy breath, because I'M NOT BUYING IT. "Really sneaky sending us an encoded message, by the way! We ran it through Babelfish, and your little spiel basically translates to: 'I am a big Dutch asshole! I love windmills, kiddy porn, and buggering cows!' Pretty sneaky, Sis. "Anyways, we've got nothing against pot decriminalization in your country. We just want to see the supply of Literalist Fuckhead Pills put under stricter control." Wil Shipley is a Hypocritical Ass From: Mark & Renee Calabrese <calabres@interaccess.com> don't even THINK of stopping this! fantastic stuff that puts this very public and not very convincing attempt to "not impinge the character of my ex" very much in context. keep it up! I Love the Great Taste of Pigdog From: Symon Michael <symon@slip.net> Howdy: I'd like to purchase a pigdog shirt, if they exist. I love the logo and I'd be happy to send you come cash if you have any clothing with the pigdog logo on it. Barring that, I will wait exactly one month, then copy 'pj-logo.gif' and enlarge it, run to Office Depot and purchase some HP iron-on transfer paper, print out my own and just do it myself. Eh? Mr. Bad responds: "First off, I have no idea who you're talking to. No 'Big' here. "Second, we're actually working on a line of merchandizable Pigdog Journal products. No shit! T-shirts, hats, stickers, the works. So chill your balls and we'll get it to you soon. "Lastly, don't even THINK about infringing on Pigdog's intellectual property and trademarks and copyright and shit by making your own T-shirts. We have an ATTACK DOG LAWYER. He's a disreputable shyster who's from Alabama and wears white suits and Colonel Sanders ties and drinks too much rye whiskey. Just for the hell of it! "We wanted to get the Robert DeNiro character from "Cape Fear", who's this crazy Pentecostal hillbilly with lots of jailhouse tattoos and shit, but he's just a movie character, so we can't hire him. DAMN!!!! Anyways, our lawyer will come GIVE YOU HELL if you even think about damaging our copyright. So drop that ultimatum RIGHT NOW, and BACK AWAY WITH YOUR HANDS UP!!!" Wil Shipley is a Hypocritical Ass, pt. II From: Fem4ForM@aol.com man, LOOOONNNNGGGG overdue!!!! excellent commentary on a pseudo-drama my husband and i have been following for some time. please keep the updates coming! great work and do keep it up, despite what the critics say. hell, if the guy's gonna air his invective against his ex, disguised as a "journal to help him through the hard times" (that, oops, must have accidentally been linked to his ex's journal where her last entry somehow disappeared), then he takes a chance. bang! Spreadin' the Love From: Tom Catalano <Tom_Catalano@Mail.Tax.CO.Santa-Clara.CA.US> Ola pointy-eared mountaineers! Senor Spanky here. How in the Wide, Wide World of Sports are you hyper-whiskey slingin' porch jockeys? I can't begin to thank you for allowing me the pleasure of sitting under the finest awning on the playa! Your amiablity, which was matched by your hospitality, made your porch my home away from home when Senor Spanky's became a nightmare. And your Hyper-Whiskey gave me the courage to bartend another 16 or 17 hours! You swell folks are always welcome at my bar, where the drinks for you will always be on the house! I'm not quite sure where y'all hail from, but all you need do to reach me is to e-mail me at: tomcatastropho@hotmail.com Get back to me when y'all get this message, ya hear! Your amigo and ad hoc bartender, Naaahhhh... It COULDN'T Be, Could It? From: Kim Rollins <address@withheld.from.you> What an odd person you are. --KR |
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Innocent San Francisco Mule
Flesh and Abby have moved to an isolated rural location in the United States - equipped only with their sense of adventure. Recently they came down off the mountain briefly to file this report? (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)