Build Date: Thu Apr 24 14:00:18 2025 UTC
People are waiting in line just to kill your dog.
-- Doctor Murdock
| It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Canadia -- Reported 1998-11-30 00:07 by Tjames Madison | |
|
Just in time for the holidays, Canadia, our delightful neighbor to the north, invites all patriotic North American continentals to do their Christmas shopping online at Canada's Shopping Mall, an apparently state-sponsored skinny dip (and what isn't state-sponsored in the Great White North?) into the murky waters of USA-style commerce. Although Canada's best known exports are generally thought to be hovercrafts, circus peanuts and censorship, at Canada's Shopping Mall you'll find a tanatalizing selection of potential gifts for that very special person in your life. Who, for instance, could resist this charming little Royal Canadian Mounted Police Bear? Available in brown, black or white, and a steal at $19.99 CDN (approximately two bucks American), your children will delight to the prospect of a tree full of Officially Sanctioned Mountie Products under the tree at Christmastime! "Discover Canada through a wide range of RCMP gift items," the page advises, and here at Canada's Shopping Mall, you'll find every variety of T-shirt, syrup decanter, and 100% suede RCMP baseball cap (complete with British crown monogram) to help you discover the "strength, spirit of adventure and pride of place associated with ... the close link between Canadians and the rugged landscape in which they live." But if you're not interested in RCMP memorabilia and just want to show off your Canadian patriotism, that's OK too; the site features a huge assortment of Canadian flags and banners to hoist high come next Pierre Trudeau's Birthday Day. Americans: be sure to snap up plenty of the Maple Leaf lapel pins to be found here and stick them all over your clothes the next time you visit Europe! Europeans love Canadians, and at current exchange rates of 15,000 Canadian Dollars to One US Dollar, now has never been a better time to shop! While you're here, make sure you check out the selection of humorous shirts, mugs and greeting cards based around bear butts and giant mosquitos; you'll never think of Canadians as dull and joyless again! |
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
Boo-zho-lay for you, Pigdog reader! Another fine Spocktail of the week is available for you. And this week's offering is EXTRA special and fancy, since it celebrates the birthday of Pigdog's own STAR TWINS! (More...)
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
