Build Date: Tue Mar 4 18:20:23 2025 UTC
Meg said I could kiss her ankle if I crawled all the way across the floor on the knuckles of my toes. And I did.
-- Doctor Murdock
Crazy But True
Life is crazier than fiction...
Pigdog Journal Articles
2017-01-20
Have you ever wanted to dose your grandmother? Ever wonder what would happen?
2002-04-05
Realizing that it is impossible to stop 18 year old Norwegian students from participating a 17 day orgy of partying fueled by alcohol and drugs as they celebrate the end of their compulsory schooling, the Norwegian Government has capitulated and moved the final tests these students take back two weeks.
2002-02-26
An open letter to Wendell and Cass: Let me start by saying that I am a big fan. I have not had the pleasure of seeing your live act at the New York Aquarium, but I think it is just wonderful that homosexual flightless aquatic birds such as yourself have been able to appeal to audiences across the East Coast, and even to tourists from more distant locales. It is really great that onstage opportunities are opening up for entertainers of all species and sexual persuasions.
2002-02-06
So supermarket tabloid the Weekly World News closed their online edition. Why? "We would like you to buy the paper at least one stinking week out of the year."
2001-12-04
In my never-ending search for bizarre anecdotes and very strange statistics, I've uncovered some astounding facts about "That Time of the Month" that you may not know about.
2001-08-04
Simon Jansen had an idea to keep his Guinness extra cool in his hot New Zealand shed. Since a liquid converting to a gas draws heat away from its surroundings, and since a jet engine converts a lot of liquid fuel to gas before burning it, why not combine a jet engine with a beer cooler? Fantastico!
2001-05-12
So, like, there's this Old Mine.
2000-10-30
Man, doesn't that phrase give you the willies.
2000-10-25
This could only come from the land of the rising sun- a commercial advertising the services of a construction company, featuring a little red riding hood theme. So what's so strange about that? How about dancing forest animals with oversized testicles and mammary glands.
2000-10-16
That's right, according to this report in the SF Comical (the entertainment newspaper of the Greater Bay Area), the extremely loud, very persistence, and incredibly small minority of people that bicycle in SF have pretty much convinced the powers that be to build a bike lane on the western span of the Bay Bridge.
2000-06-28
A man in Oregon wants to blast himself into space, and he's got the means to do so.
2000-05-06
Most readers of the PDJ are probably too young to have viewed the original Howdy Doody show... including this author. But like the Mickey Mouse Club, The Howdy Doody show defined a generation. And these bozos are arguing about who owns Howdy - who isn't working much these days. But, since he is a piece of Americana, an and ex-TV star, apparently he is worth something. I don't get it, but then I don't get most things. Still, money is money and Howdy = $$$, and since this is America, everyone and their brother is bringing in their legal goon squads.
2000-04-27
We've all seen the joke Amish web sites around on the web. But get this, there's a now a real Amish site just a URL away.
2000-04-13
Spring is finally here, and pretty soon, if not already you and thousands of other Pigdog readers will be packing up, and heading out on vacation. But where to go? How about a vacation that includes being chased by a crazy hillbilly in a rusty hotrod, armed with a machinegun?
2000-03-25
Sad to say, for all you freaks who've been too whacked out on goofballs to hear, but Screamin' Jay Hawkins is DEAD DEAD DEAD. But check this: a Web site has been set up to try and contact SJH's alleged 57 illegitimate kids so they can get a chunk of his inheritance. Now whaddaya think about THAT?
2000-03-22
Everyone know that the British are funny, and that British royalty is everything British squared. Cheese is also funny, and the concept of a "South Wales cheese factory" is about the best venue for cheese-funniness that I can think of. Now hair usually isn't thought of as funny. Normally you think "dumb" when someone mentions hair, but I believe the "British royalty" and "South Wales cheese factory" are enough to carry the hair part. Thus, I'd say this is a pretty funny story.
2000-03-21
So this guy in jail on a murder rap managed to SAW his way out of his jail cell. OK, no big deal you say. But he did it using DENTAL FLOSS coated in TOOTHPASTE!
2000-03-08
As April Fools day approaches, many people will be wondering what kind of original and outrageous prank they can pull that will push the envelope so far, no one will be able to top it for years. Take our advice, nothing beats a prank that involves a decomposing human corpse
2000-02-24
The last time Woody Allen made a funny movie was in 1973, but for some reason people keep going to see his films. The funny movie I'm referring to is Sleeper, in which a man from the 70's is cryogenically frozen and re-animated hundreds of years in the future. The film made several daring predictions -- that VW Bugs would still be running in 200 years, that McDonald's would be serving its quadrillionth customer, that people could be frozen and re-animated, and that cigarettes would be the new health food.
2000-01-31
What could be better than a porn-quality Russian Mail-order bride? A porn-quality Russian Mail-order bride with no limbs!
2000-01-23
Check it out! The definitive Web site for traditional Zoroastrianists! With lots of crazy Zoroastrian parables and long treatises on various aspects of Zoroastrianism! Can you BEAT THAT, motherfucker? I thought not.
2000-01-19
Wow! You know some people think that places like Scotland are really conservative and backwards, but boy are they wrong! I mean, in the US its a big deal to even TALK about being gay in schools, let alone gay sex practices. But not in Scotland, no, they're gonna have GAY SEX lessons! Where kids can learn all the basic gay sex acts like fisting and rimming! Man that's gonna be a messy final exam!
2000-01-09
Man, I just don't know what to say about this Elian Gonzales kid. I mean, nobody deserves the crap this kid is getting. It's like a hole opened up in the sky and an endless stream of War Turds are raining down on him forever. Poor little bastard.
1999-12-22
Forget Y2K, England's fresh out of Little People! Too many holiday productions of Snow White has created a dearth of dwarves in the Isles. No less than 18 professional productions are required to satisfy the Brit's ancient urge to see freaks dressed up in funny little costumes. That's 126 "people of restricted growth" or 630 feet of midget!!
1999-12-10
May years ago, you were assured that when you read a copy of The Washington Post, you could expect some of the finest reporting in the world. Unfortunately, the paper fucked with Dick Nixon. Nixon, after being squashed like a bug, used his last remaining trump card, and ordered that the fumes for a nearby petrochemical plant be pumped directly into the vent system of the Post, rendering all staff and reporters highly brain damaged. So you have to cut them a little slack when they report what they think is groundbreaking, but the rest of us have known for decades.
1999-12-01
Famed Hollywood action hero Steve McQueen, who died of cancer in 1980, has apparently returned from the grave. The resilient zombie McQueen has just been named the 1999 recipient of the UK's controversial Turner Prize, awarded annually and traditionally to the artist who seems to enrage fundamentalist art critics the most.
1999-11-19
I like beef. Everyone likes Beef. As a matter of fact, there's nothing in the world like sitting down to a well-prepared double cheeseburger with a side of fries. But sometimes, you just don't have the time for such a meal. Wouldn't it be great if someone combined the two?
1999-11-09
Picture this, you're a ninja practicing your craft at Devil's Hopyard State Park. It's dark, your fellow ninjas are into whatever zen poetry hack and slash routine ninjas go through. Suddenly, you see a big flamin' demon sitting on a fence post calling your name.
1999-10-20
Looks like England is finally catching up with the US by allowing completely insane mental patients to vote in general elections. Historically "lunatics and peers" have made up the majority of voters in the US, but have been barred from going to the polls because they could not register using looney bins as their home address.
1999-09-10
You hear them on the streets shouting that the CIA is watching them via means that most people would think rather insane. Well guess what Bucky, here's one that's true.
1999-08-30
When you mention the name Jerry Lewis most people will think of things like 'The Nutty Professor', Labor Day Telethons, or Martin & Lewis movies. Very few, however, will think of a clown that leads children into the doom-showers of a German deathcamp.
1999-08-25
Every year Norma "Duffy" Lyon sculpts a cow out of butter for the Iowa State Fair. This year she's doing Jesus at the Last Supper. "I've knocked three fingers off him today," said the butter lady. In past years she's warmed up with Smokey the Bear, and more recently Elvis, but those icons seem to have only whetted her appetite for her masterwork, the King of Kings and his band of merry men.
1999-08-21
Welcome to the Orange Show: ripened in the hot Texas sun, sweetened by its eccentric creator's singular vision, the Orange Show was Jefferson McKissack's present to the world, a strange and strangely appealing mishmash of found objects, homebuilt robots and bizarre dioramas splattered across his south Houston canvas. Oh, and it's a tribute to the orange.
1999-08-20
Hey, so this isn't news or anything, but this crazy bug called the African bombardier beetle shoots Burning Hot Acid out of it's ASS with sooper dooper accuracy!!
1999-07-12
Canuck UBERMENCH Lenny Tuberose will worm his way into your heart with this piece of crazy fiction... Bourbon, hillbillies, and Elvis. Read this instead of going to lunch.
1999-06-30
A 500-year-old banana skin has been discovered in London, which predates the earliest recorded arrival of a banana in Britain by 150 years. Archaeologists are stunned by the rogue fruit, which has shattered the conventional wisdom of British banana eaters.
1999-06-16
Usually when you hear someone died in a "freak gardening accident," it means they smoked crack until their eyeballs bled and then threw themselves in front of a bus. But this guy really did die in a freak gardening accident.
1999-06-16
A corpse was found on the New York Subway after the morning rush. Police believe that the ex-rider started his final journey some four or five hours before his fellow New Yorkers realized he was dead.
1999-06-12
Say you're a practicing witch and you want a career with the military... you're screwed right? Wrongo... maybe in your father's army, but not in today's Army. That's right, in the U. S. Army of today you can not only travel the world meeting strange new people and then kill them - but you can do it as a witch or a warlock.
1999-06-09
British police officers may soon begin receiving specialized psychiatric training in order to deal with an increasing wave of mentally disturbed people in that country, 6,000 of whom have visited Britain's Royal palaces or written to the Royal Family in the last year alone.
1999-06-09
Although this story is a few weeks old, it was ignored completely by the mainstream media. Why is the media turning a blind eye to the dangers faced by big fat men on roller coasters?
1999-06-04
In a shocking move, but one bound to be popular with youngsters all over the world, NATO high command has decided to place world famous pop entertainer Michael Jackson in charge of peace talks with Serbian officials aimed at ending strife in that region.
1999-06-03
In an attempt to swell the ranks of God fearing, beer swilling, football watching, church skipping Englishmen, the CoE (Church of England) has purchased a pub in Northern England - The Cock and Bottle snicker, snicker.
Offsite links shared by staff writers
2007-08-27
2006-03-03
In 1903, Thomas A. Edison, inventor of the light bulb, electrocuted an elephant to death. For some reason, he filmed the event and showed the clip often at lectures. Did you know that Edison was an elephant-killing rat bastard? Because he was.
2006-03-01
2003-03-15
Action heroes for modern times.
2003-03-14
2002-12-20
Those Crazy Cloning Canadians!
2002-04-09
Richard M. Nixon running for Alabama State Agriculture Commissioner
2002-04-02
2001-11-26
2001-11-19
2001-11-06
2001-07-25
2001-06-04
2001-02-22
2001-01-20
Holy cripes! Crazy fucking DRUGHEAD taxi in Aspen, CO with wireless Webcam. It's insane! I wanna go to Aspen! I want a citywide Wireless LAN here in SF, too.
2000-12-08
YETI@Home is a scientific experiment that harnesses the power of hundreds of thousands of Internet-connected computers in the search for giant ape-like creatures (YETI).
2000-12-06
2000-10-28
The fact that "Cybernetic Parrot Sausage" is not some fhreaky 60s psychedelic band, but an actual CYBERNETIC PARROT SAUSAGE, is just too cool for words. I mean, truth in advertising, for once, eh?
2000-10-26
EXCLUSIVE: Pat Buchanan drills hole in skull of infant, sucks out soft unformed brain matter!
2000-10-16
2000-10-16
2000-09-28
2000-09-21
2000-09-16
2000-09-16
2000-09-07
Kiwis have greater tolerance for humor in their dog food.
2000-08-25
2000-08-25
Why Viet Nam Vets Are *Really* Going Back Over
2000-08-25
2000-08-17
2000-07-28
2000-05-28
Feather-Headed Italian Soldiers Invade Sweden
2000-05-05
2000-04-09
2000-04-05
Man, how depressing. This guy is the same age as Tjames, and he's King of Africa or some shit. I fucking hate overachievers.
2000-02-08
1999-08-24
1999-08-18
UK Times: Major health risk -- disgusting French fatten pigs and poultry with sewage!
1999-07-15
1999-06-29
1999-06-15
1999-06-12
1999-06-10
1999-06-10
1999-06-08
1999-06-08
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
On the Implementation of a Grocery Bag And Overforestation Initiative
Patient Joab and his evil cohort, Patient Steve, develop a proposal for the plastic-v.-paper problem that EVERYONE can be happy with. An EXCLUSIVE from Spock Mountain Research Labs! (More...)
Our man Daemon Agent checks out the heavy heavy sounds of crazy space surf rockers Man or Astroman?. (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
