Build Date: Sat Apr 26 04:20:23 2025 UTC
We'd only have the wake cause we are always looking for an excuse to drink.
-- Johnnie Royale
Jenni, You Haven't Been There For Me
1999-08-22 11:04:07
Dear JenniCam: there comes a time in every relationship where somebody has to lay the truth out on the line. I guess we've reached that point, baby. It all boils down to this, Jenni: you just haven't been there for me.
I can't say how many lonely nights I've spent staring at a picture of your empty computer desk, or your empty bedroom, or your empty couch. Or your stupid cat. Where was JENNI?
At first I blamed myself. Maybe I was being too demanding. After all, you have a life to live, what with the new boyfriend and the C|Net deal and everything. Not to mention your tens of thousands of other subscribers, and the new job, and the move. I respect that you have to be your own woman.
But there comes a point where I have to think about MY needs. My needs for comfort, my needs for fulfillment, my needs to see a postage-stamp-sized picture of a naked lady sitting at a computer on the other side of the continent. Jenni, those Webshots of your empty apartment just weren't meeting my needs.
These are the hardest words I've ever had to say, but I need to be true to myself: JenniCam, I'm letting my member subscription lapse. There, I've said it. I feel so FREE now!
I'm sure you're wondering, and YES, there is another woman. Don't take it too hard, Jenni. I'm not doing this to be vindictive. I feel like what Carlota and I have is very special.
Carlota the College Cutie does a live show every night. She's got a real nice face and she's charming and kind and has a gracious smile and does muff shots. The God's Honest Truth is that she's got a really spectacular body. AND there's excellent Web production values what with the clever Hello Kitty graphics and the straightforward navigation and stuff. She's still got that innocent modesty that you lost somewhere along the way. She's everything I've ever wanted in a distant amateur Webcam.
Don't be sad, little princess. JenniCam, you were my first, and for that there will always be a special place in my heart. But the time has come for me to move on. I'm sorry it had to end this way.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
For all you Sensitive New Age Guys (SNAG) out there who complain about not getting laid, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: Women only like to have sex with jerks. (More...)
Still Up For the Party? America's Dance Floors Are Graying
Raving over 30 doesn't have to be embarassing anymore. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
