Build Date: Mon Dec 23 01:10:11 2024 UTC
Unix is meant to be A MONSTROSITY.
-- Ratsnatcher
Study Says: Sniff Old Lady Armpits to Make You Feel REAL GOOD!!
1999-07-01 01:46:39
Okay, so what kind of SICK scientists came up with a study like this one?? Don't these people have anything better to do?!!
Here's the scoop: These freaky scientist guys decided to make a bunch of poor college students smell nasty, sweaty, bacteria-soaked gauze pads from under OLD LADY ARMPITS!!! AHHHHHGH!! In fact, they had to smell all kinds of nasty, sweaty, disgusting gauze pads from all kinds of nasty, sweaty people.
Best of all, the students JUST LOVED the smell of the old ladies! No kidding. Apparently, it lifted their moods whenever they sniffed old lady smell.
Now, I always thought there was nothing worse than Old People Smell, but I guess not. Remember going to the old folks home and crinkling your nose cuz it smelled SO DAMN BAD? Or hugging that old aunt, and holding your breath so you wouldn't have to catch a whiff of Old People Smell? Well, I guess Old People Smell is good afterall...
Feeling down? Sniff an old lady! Old People Smell (OPS): better than Prozac.
Like a fine wine, it only gets better with time.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Once & Future King of Dust
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Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
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'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
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In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
