Build Date: Thu Apr 17 10:50:13 2025 UTC
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.
-- August Strindberg
Harvey Keitel's Life in Danger, Say Experts
1999-06-11 13:50:19
According to a new study conducted by researchers at the University of Maryland, people who tend toward bouts of extreme anger, like actor Harvey Keitel, put themselves at risk of high blood pressure or even heart damage.
Researcher Aron Siegman says that such manic fits can cause Harvey Keitel to literally "blow his top" -- his blood pressure could cook up to a 100 points above normal within seconds, and Keitel could easily rupture an artery wall in the same way that a child pops a balloon with a sewing needle.
Siegman explains the process thus: Every time Harvey Keitel has an angry outburst, his blood pressure "revs" his heart, in the same way flooring the gas pedal of a car for a brief period revs the engine. In repeating this cycle of anger and calming down over years or even decades, Keitel is also releasing hormones with each episode that tighten his arteries and hike his blood pressure. In time, researchers believe, Harvey Keitel's artery walls will simply wear out like a tissue paper-thin old garden hose. If and when this happens, Harvey Keitel will have to be immediately rushed to an emergency room where a cardiologist can replace his worn-out heart with a new one, or else the result could easily be fatal.
Also, Siegman says, it makes no difference for his prospects if Harvey Keitel takes out his frustration and anger by hitting a pillow with his fist, or perhaps knocking around one of those Bozo punching bags. Such anger exercises contribute to the overall wearing down of Harvey Keitel's arteries in the same manner as any other anger episodes, Siegman explained. What Harvey Keitel needs, he said, is a serious effort at managing his anger, perhaps through the services of a trained psychologist. Paul Hauck, a Rock Island, IL, psychologist, says that Keitel can be successfully treated, perhaps by reassuring him that he will be just as manly if he were quiter and not as prone to sudden outbursts.
Harvey Keitel ... "can be very, very tough as a quiet man," said Hauck.
Harvey Keitel could not be reached for comment.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Pigdog Journal's crack interview team gangs up on avant-garde Dutch musician SOLEX; bad craziness ensues. Yet another fabulous PIGDOG INTERVIEW. For REAL. (More...)
Canadia Revealed: A Brief Guide to a Large Country
Recently Pigdog has received many letters from readers who are apparently puzzled and upset by our regular coverage of the mysterious nation north of our border, Canadia. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
The Ancient and Correct Sake Ceremony
Many Americans have learned to appreciate the delicate, sophisticated flavors of Japanese food and drink, along with the beautifully refined rituals of Japanese dining. San Francisco, as a gateway between East and West, has especially benefited from the flowering of Eastern consciousness in America. It is hardly possible to walk down the street without stepping on somebody's sushi. (More...)
Still Up For the Party? America's Dance Floors Are Graying
Raving over 30 doesn't have to be embarassing anymore. (More...)