Crazy-Ass German Linux Distribution... with GUITAR
1999-06-14 19:31:00
Hey! I always say that S.u.S.E. is the default weird Linux distribution, because it's got GERMAN CRAZINESS built into every CD. But now I'm not sure: MANDRAKE may be the new way to go!
So, check it: Linux Mandrake, right? RIGHT?! Are you with me on this one? This is THE NEW creepy freakazoid nutty ballbuster Linux distribution. Why?
Because CHECK THIS OUT: they are FRENCH. French Linux! Not since the days of crazy ass Kheops Linux have the French had the guts to put out a Linux distro. They even call it "Linux Mandrake," the French way to say "Mandrake Fucking Linux!" Man, you just gotta LOVE THOSE PEOPLE.
Then, OK, number TWO is that they merged with/absorbed BeroLinux, which was a crazy GERMAN distribution. So that's, like, extra-crazy franco-german experience! Wee haw! Big fat French guys bossin around the German freako programmer d00ds. I love it!
But the best part -- the really kick-ass part -- is that everything is optimized with PGCC for the AMD K6. No shit! Sure, they have Pentium optimizations, too, but who cares? Who uses a piece of shit Pentium anymore? AMD K6 is where it's AT. And Mandrake has it! Oh man!
I guess the other cool thing is that they keep pretty up-to-date with the new software like KDE and Gnome. But that's not as cool as the other stuff. Oh, and there's not really a guitar involved, but that would be a good idea, doncha think? Gotta figure out a way to work in guitars somehow.
Anyways, check out LINUX MANDRAKE at the following URL. Order it and put it on your funky cold AMD K6 computer and then you too can say "Beaujolais, Linux Mandrake!"

T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
Pigdog brings you SETI astronomer Seth Shostak to bring you the truth about Ay-leens (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
Body and Soul, a night of fucking in San Francisco
For the benefit of Pigdog readers, I took it upon myself to explore the deep frontiers of human behavior and attend a saucy festival of the flesh. This was no ordinary fete of carnal delights, dearie. (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)