Build Date: Sat Nov 23 11:00:05 2024 UTC
In this field I am a little short on ignorance, but I've got a surplus of apathy.
-- The Compulsive Splicer
Linux, You Can Drive My Car
1999-03-10 15:45:00
So, I give German Linux advocates a lot of flak, since they are almost by definition the weirdest users of Linux ever. They do all the freaky Linux dances! But I gotta say that this research group at the University of Parma in Italy has them beat by a long shot. I mean, there's a world of difference between using Linux to play MP3s on your car stereo and USING LINUX TO DRIVE THE CAR.
They used all kinds of freaky vision and video recognition software to let Linux "see" the road and make decisions about where to drive. They even let Linux drive them all over Italy. Like, 2000 kilometers! Admittedly, that's only driving in metric so it doesn't count as much, but still, it's quite a feat!
Imagine the possibilities for this! I mean, I already tell Linux to go pick up my email and maintain my website and shit. Now I can SEND IT OUT TO THE STORE to buy me BEER and PORN. Or to go pick up my Mom at the airport while I stay home and play ZAngband! TOTALLY ROCKING. I can even tell it to go run over somebody I don't like! Ha ha!
Now, if they start adding machine guns and rocket launchers to the damn things, we could have the ultimate dream -- an ARMY of ROBOT ASSASSIN CARS to attack and destroy Microsoft! Think you could build an army of robot assassin cars with Windows 98? Think again, shit-for-brains! Their robot army will fall before Linux! Haw haw! Stupid Windows!
Anyways, go give these-a crazy Italianos some BIG PRAISE for furthering The Cause. And use their e-commerce page to buy a car for your Linux to drive! OK, they don't have a page like that yet, but maybe soon, eh?
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
Robert Helms makes a living volunteering for medical experiments. Though Helms — and almost all guinea pigs — get paid for their participation in medical trials, they are still "volunteers" according to a byzantine legal code. They are compensated for their time, not paid to ingest medicine. He and "guinea pigs" like him have learned the intimate art of taking catheters in their veins, tubes in their intestines, EKG electrodes on their nipples. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)
