Build Date: Sat Apr 19 00:20:11 2025 UTC
Hey, I take exception to that! I don't say "Wooo." I say, "Wooohahahah! WOOOOHahahHAHAHAH!!!!!"
-- Ratsnatcher
Linux, You Can Drive My Car
1999-03-10 15:45:00
So, I give German Linux advocates a lot of flak, since they are almost by definition the weirdest users of Linux ever. They do all the freaky Linux dances! But I gotta say that this research group at the University of Parma in Italy has them beat by a long shot. I mean, there's a world of difference between using Linux to play MP3s on your car stereo and USING LINUX TO DRIVE THE CAR.
They used all kinds of freaky vision and video recognition software to let Linux "see" the road and make decisions about where to drive. They even let Linux drive them all over Italy. Like, 2000 kilometers! Admittedly, that's only driving in metric so it doesn't count as much, but still, it's quite a feat!
Imagine the possibilities for this! I mean, I already tell Linux to go pick up my email and maintain my website and shit. Now I can SEND IT OUT TO THE STORE to buy me BEER and PORN. Or to go pick up my Mom at the airport while I stay home and play ZAngband! TOTALLY ROCKING. I can even tell it to go run over somebody I don't like! Ha ha!
Now, if they start adding machine guns and rocket launchers to the damn things, we could have the ultimate dream -- an ARMY of ROBOT ASSASSIN CARS to attack and destroy Microsoft! Think you could build an army of robot assassin cars with Windows 98? Think again, shit-for-brains! Their robot army will fall before Linux! Haw haw! Stupid Windows!
Anyways, go give these-a crazy Italianos some BIG PRAISE for furthering The Cause. And use their e-commerce page to buy a car for your Linux to drive! OK, they don't have a page like that yet, but maybe soon, eh?
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Liquor
Curled up cozy with a good book? All warm and snuggly and thinking about friends far away? So am I, reading the greatest story by the greatest writer -- when he suddenly starts waxing philosophical about liquor! (More...)
Pao Tzu: Obtaining San Pedro Cactus
Horticultural clone master, Pao Tzu, guides you through the ins and outs of stealing hallucinogenic cacti from your neighbors' yards. Ooh la la! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Last week I had eye surgery and it was certainly one of the least enjoyable episodes of my life. Eye Surgeons like their patients to be conscious enough so that they can move their eyes to the proper position during surgery. (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)