Build Date: Fri Mar 28 18:20:13 2025 UTC
"Let's roll" was the last thing heard over a air-to-ground phone connection, said by one passenger to another, before the passengers attempted to retake the fourth hijacked aircraft on 9-11. Instead of gaining control of the aircraft and thwarting the hijackers, they succeeded in crashing the plane into the ground and killing everyone aboard, including themselves. A fitting motto if there ever was one.
-- Baron Earl (referring to George W. Bush's new national motto)
Coming to a Theater Near You
2003-03-14 17:10:59
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year.
What can I say? It's a brilliant idea whose time has finally come. How many of us instinctively click the mute button before that bom-shika-bom-ing ruins the effect of our favorite 69 scene? The answer, of course, is: you, you, you and you (and me). Well No More, I say! The PornOrchestra is here to transform it all with their radical reinterpretations of the pornographic film soundtrack. The equivalent of a circus band, the PornOrchestra (warmed up by a keg of Budweiser) will be performing live originally composed scores to pornographic films using the most eclectic and creative classical music minds working in the Bay Area today.
In the same vein as the silent film experience, muted porn films are projected onto a big screen behind the accompanying orchestra. The instruments will be doing the talking. Mariemont suggests, "Instruments are expressive enough to create nonhuman vocals and dialogue." Some of these films appeared one day in Mariemont's mailbox with little handwritten notes attached. Of these uninvited (though not unwelcome) treasures, Mariemont selected works by Dean Mermell and Jacques Boyreau from Storyfarm. The films are described as, "interesting, recycled 70's porn invested with Mondrian embellishments and a torn down, funky, impressionist/cubist sensibility...hard to describe, yet important." "It's the 'hard to describe' part that really piqued my interest," states Mariemont.
If you desire a tease and thrill, are aching for the perfect First Date destination or you're yearning for an alternative to the 75th Annual Academy Awards (I assure you that none of these films have been nominated), check out the PornOrchestra's two "Rilly Big Shews" next weekend at:
21 Grand
Saturday and Sunday, March 22 and 23, 2003
8 pm | sliding scale $6-$10
449B 23rd Street
Oakland, California
(No children under 17 permitted)
Mention that you came for "The Rilly Big Shew" and win a fabulous free "pornorchestra.com" gold foil truck-stop sticker.
Like a little foreplay? Then give a listen to kalx 90.7 fm tomorrow, Saturday, March 15, 2003 from 5:30-6:30 pm.
Fret not, if you miss these opportunities you can shoot your wad at:
Parkway Theater
Thursday, June 12, 2003
9 pm | $8
1834 Park Boulevard
Oakland, California
(Ages 21 and over)
Mariemont's original scores are not recorded and many will be improvised, so I recommend coming again and again.
P.S. To find out YOUR porn name, go here OR simply combine the name of your first pet with the name of the first street you ever lived on (for example, I'm Kitty Elwood and my mom is Fluffy Moraga).
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
One of our star reporters was sent to Comdex by his employer. El Destino reports live from the biggest, geekiest trade show in the world. (More...)
Experimenter is a film released in 2015 starring Peter Sarsgaard. It tells the story of Dr. Stanley Milgram's life, including the infamous Milgram electric shock experiment, tests on crowds, and his work developing a theory on the mechanics of social networks. It currently streams on Netflix. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
What do Computers and Skateboards have in Common?
They both sprang from the mind of John Mauchly that's what. (More...)
Pigdog Journal's crack interview team gangs up on avant-garde Dutch musician SOLEX; bad craziness ensues. Yet another fabulous PIGDOG INTERVIEW. For REAL. (More...)
