Build Date: Mon Mar 31 18:00:12 2025 UTC
Guinness is Pigdog and Pigdog is Guinness.
-- Johnnie Royale
Highway to Hell
2000-01-12 15:27:33
Now that we've passed into the year 2000 without the world ending, a lot of doom -preaching con-artists will find their mislead flocks dissipating. What scapegoat do you think they'll be using to bring new suckers into their clutches?
Many years ago, I had the unfortunate experience of living in one of the most bass-ackwards places on the planet, known as Great Falls, Montana. It is a place where you'll hear the phrases "Faggot Jew Banker" and "Uppity Prairie Nigger" with alarming regularity. I hated every single second I had to live in that redneck cultural cesspool. To make matters worse, the elders of my family decided that putting my butt into a private, fundamentalist, Southern Baptist school was just the thing I needed to knock the restlessness & rebellion out of me.
This particular school believed in things like
During the time I was in attendance, I was exposed to books by the likes of Jeff Godwin and the Peters Brothers, who would write highly inaccurate books attempting to prove how evil Rock & Roll really was. And for a while, some of these claims were taken seriously. The most notorious of the bunch was the infamous Judas Priest backward-masking trial in Reno, Nevada in 1986. Though after this trial no one took these theories seriously. No one, except people who cover their studio apartment windows with aluminum foil to keep out the radio beams which put evil thoughts in their heads (who in turn would actually dream up some of the better "proofs" of the evil). We now arrive at the dawn of a new millennium. These ideas and such deceitful tactics you would think would be a thing of the past. Unfortunately, they aren't. But by the same token, they have gotten more amusing; to the point of being as harmless as the guy in the park who argues with the statues. Such is the case of Dial-the-Truth Ministries. Our tinfoil hat-wearing friends out of Alabama would like you to know the following…
It's hard to believe, but it gets weirder from there. Really.
So in the coming year, expect to see more of these types of dire warnings. After all, Tipper will probably be First Lady.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The IBM Selectric Typewriter Changed My Life
I ran my hands lovingly across her frame, lightly brushing her metallic nipples with my fingers, admiring the shapes and the ways of her curves, the empathetic hum she produced as I had my way with her, the way she made it all seem so effortless and right... she didn't even seem to mind the way I roughly manipulated her knobs and tweaked her casing. She was extremely tolerant, for a typewriter. (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
Still Up For the Party? America's Dance Floors Are Graying
Raving over 30 doesn't have to be embarassing anymore. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
For all you Sensitive New Age Guys (SNAG) out there who complain about not getting laid, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: Women only like to have sex with jerks. (More...)