Echelon Watch! Watch Me Watch You!
1999-11-17 23:39:22
Well, SHIT. I guess I can't go on thinking that Echelon is a myth anymore. Once the ACLU develops a watchdog organization, man, you just got to admit that the damn thing exists.
bAs the story goes, "Echelon" is the super-extra-ultra-top-secret project by the National Security Agency (NSA -- see Enemy of the State for details) to monitor domestic phone lines and Internet traffic. As the story goes, the Spooks use keyword searches on ALL domestic communications to identify Bad People and read their email/listen to their phone lines.
NORAD CIA $400 million in gold bullion [Hello to all my fans in domestic surveillance] plutonium Saddam Hussein Kibo strategic Craig Livingstone arrangements Honduras Ft. Bragg DES colonel militia
This has been rumored for so long that it's become sort of the Internet boogie man. "Look out for what you say, or the NSA will GETCHA!!!" Then, just a few months ago, evidence came forward indicated that Echelon was for REAL. Meaning, all that porno and all that incendiary political shit and threats on the president's life that you've been sending to your friends and loved ones have been READ and ANALYZED by evil fuckheads with mirrorshades and bad suits. DAMN!
Qaddafi Vince Foster Rule Psix radar North Korea Saddam Hussein SEAL Team 6 ammunition Nazi FBI bomb smuggle Uzi Mossad Cocaine
Well, people are up in arms about this, of course. But what can you do? First and foremost, go get you some good encryption, like GnuPG, and use it for as much mail as you can. The Gnomes may be able to break this encryption -- there's really no way we can know that -- but at least they won't be able to keyword-scan you that easily.
Ft. Bragg NSA munitions radar BATF SEAL Team 6 Treasury COSCO Qaddafi Mossad spy NORAD nuclear colonel jihad
Second, if everyone starts using "incendiary" keywords in their e-mail and on Web sites, supposedly the Echelon computers will get "jammed" and will be unable to do their work. At the very least, it's FUN to say the real dirty words of the 21st century. Try it! (Emacs has a great "spook" function that auto-generates "forbidden" words and phrases. I've dropped a few into this article, as you can see.)
Khaddafi clones Vince Foster smuggle Treasury North Korea fissionable colonel supercomputer class struggle Semtex nuclear Rule Psix Ft. Meade White Water
Lastly, you can go the political route and lean on your Congressional representative to get some info about Echelon out to the public. That's what the ACLU started this EchelonWatch for, after all. As usual, an embarassment to liberals everywhere, but the conservative folks have a big jump on this and are making things kind of hot for the Clinton Administration over the issue. Go send some angry mail to Barb Boxer and Nancy Pelosi, and get them to hang up the other line! NSA out of my brain!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
So I was walking around the Tenderloin looking for stray twenty-dollar-bills that might have fallen into gutters, and I was thinking, as I often do, about my mother. (More...)
Pao Tzu: Obtaining San Pedro Cactus
Horticultural clone master, Pao Tzu, guides you through the ins and outs of stealing hallucinogenic cacti from your neighbors' yards. Ooh la la! (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
This is one for the Ages. Our new signature SMRL drink. We beta tested this several weeks ago at the Goat Brothers B-Day Party. Oh my! (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)