Build Date: Thu Dec 26 05:50:21 2024 UTC
I thought you were registered under the USDA "Soil Bank" program. Like, by law, you have to let the job fields lay fallow.
-- Mr. Bad
Now they're drinking their own urine
2022-01-14 20:21:52
Without a winking smiley face or other indication that you're joking, it is impossible to parody an anti-vaxxer in such a way that someone won't mistake a joke for something that a sincere anti-vaxxer truly believes.
Case in point: Anti-vax leader Christopher Key is now urging his followers to drink their own urine.
According to a recent video posted by Key, "The antidote that we have seen now, and we have tons and tons of research, is urine therapy. OK, and I know to a lot of you this sounds crazy, but guys, God’s given us everything we need."
You have to wonder, is this guy for real or is he just fucking with the anti-vax crowd? Is he sincerely anti-vax, or has he seen anti-vaxxers washing down horse medicine with a glass of bleach and thought to himself "I wonder if I can get these idiots to drink their own piss?"
Let's take a look at Christopher Key's history...
- In December 2021 he set off on a cross-country road trip with a fake badge, firearms, a flamethrower, and a goal of conducting citizen's arrests of Democratic Governors.
- While on the trip he was arrested.
- In court and in videos he has made the statements:
- “Again. You can't. I'm competent.”
- “I'm not insane.”
- “[I'm a] complete, total free man.”
- "I drink my own urine!"
He's a genuine anti-vaxxer all right. If you're really scared of getting the vaccine jab, just drink your own piss!
Stay tuned for the inevitable follow-up article where we report that Christopher Key died after getting infected with COVID and/or experiencing kidney failure. 😀
T O P S T O R I E S
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
The Cross Canadian Ragweed Red Dirt Roundup
Went to one of the only really enjoyable outdoor concerts I can remember (maybe I didn't enjoy it enough). The finest in dirty hillbilly music: The Cross Canadian Ragweed Red Dirt Roundup. For those ignorants, Cross Canadian Ragweed is a horrendous allergan in Texas, and it's also a band. In a great show of humility, CCR was the worst major act in their line up. Fortunately, they have talented friends. (More...)
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
All this talk about death, wakes and Moloch recently has, frankly, got me a little worried. What if I'm next to go? I could slip on a wet banana peel and slam my head against an enormous brass statue at almost any time. I'm not planning well enough for this sort of thing. Who will talk for me when this terrible day comes? (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
On the Implementation of a Grocery Bag And Overforestation Initiative
Patient Joab and his evil cohort, Patient Steve, develop a proposal for the plastic-v.-paper problem that EVERYONE can be happy with. An EXCLUSIVE from Spock Mountain Research Labs! (More...)
