Build Date: Fri Apr 25 15:10:23 2025 UTC
BLACK mustard seeds. little jar. oof.
-- rotten elf
Vaccine-hesitant but pro-livestock meds
2021-08-24 00:49:55
In a surprise move Sunday the FDA announced that human beings are not cows or horses.
The FDA needed to make this announcement because stupid Americans were ingesting Ivermectin de-worming medicine meant for cows and horses.
Americans were ingesting de-worming medicine for livestock because Fox News anchors Tucker Carlson, Sean Hannity and Laura Ingraham (not medical doctors) told their viewers that it could help treat COVID-19. These same viewers are terrified of getting a vaccine that's been successfully used by 190 million other Americans, but are willing to ingest de-worming medicine meant for cows and horses because Tucker Carlson told them it was a good idea.
Turns out the FDA was correct, and people are not actually cows or horses. In fact, veterinary experts warn that ingesting Ivermectin for livestock could give you a rash, cause nausea, vomiting, and abdominal pain, give you additional neurological disorders beyond the one that caused you to take animal meds in the first place, and can potentially cause severe hepatitis requiring hospitalization or leave you paralyzed.
In Mississippi the state's Poison Control Center is reporting an alarming increase in people poisoning themselves with Ivermectin. At least 70% of their calls are coming in from idiots who watch Fox News and have now poisoned themselves.
In Alabama the state's poison control hotline is now handling three times the number of calls for Ivermectin poisoning as they were last year, and it's limited to handling calls from people in Alabama who have and know how to use telephones, so the actual number of poisoned Alabamans is probably higher.
The number of people washing down a horse-dose of Ivermectin with a glass of bleach is currently under investigation but an exact number could not be determined by the time this article was published.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Tastes like key lime pie, gets you hammered like nobody's business: Introducing the Key Lime Spocktail! (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)
This was an old standby back in my poor college days. Back then the goal was to get butt fucking wasted for as little money as possible. The problem was we hated dirt cheap beer - and some weekends, even Henry's was far more lucre then we could scratch together. So we invented Red. (More...)
