Build Date: Thu Apr 3 10:30:47 2025 UTC
Hey, sexy mama: wanna kill all humans?
-- Bender
Grape-Ass Motherpucker
1999-11-08 16:36:41
Yet another delicious SPOCKTAIL from the SMRL Beverage Science Labs! Check under the cap for your chance to win thousands of fabulous prizes!
The great things about the Grape-Ass Motherpucker are manifold. First, it's got a very cool name, if I do say so myself. Second, it's made with DeKuyper's crazy-ass schnapps beverage called Grape Pucker (TM), which is the INCREDIBLY WEIRD LIQUEUR. It looks and tastes like something that high-security prisoners smuggle out of the prison cafeteria and ferment in pots under their bed. It's INSANE STUFF. I love it! Thirdly, it's all sparkly and makes your nose tickle. Hee hee!
I first had a Grape-Ass Motherpucker with Taipan Enigma in his stately chinoiserie-laden temple high in the hills of Northern California. This top-secret compound, shaded by redwoods and encrusted with gilt dragons and blue jade tile, is a spiritual retreat for Culture Warriors to recharge their batteries before returning to the fray. T. Enigma often has his bodyguard Babu mix up a tray of Grape-Ass Motherpuckers for his guests to enjoy in the Cactus Garden. There they can quietly sip their drinks and contemplate the volcanic mists collecting around the head of the nearby extinct Mount Diablo, or meditate on the screeching cretinous mandrills that swing from tree to tree in the live oaks down the hill, or loudly chant the Lotus Sutra in Esperanto with the cybernetically-enhanced gargoyle monks in residence at the site.
I wish you pleasure in your Grape-Ass Motherpucker! May the peace of the Temple of the Screaming Electron always be in your heart!
Grape-Ass Motherpucker
Ingredients
- 2 oz. DeKuyper Grape Pucker (TM) schnapps
- 4 oz. brut champagne
- 1 small chip dry ice
Directions
Mix schnapps and champagne in chilled champagne flutes. Drop in dry ice. Serve immediately.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The One I Feel Sorry For Is Joses
We've had a lot of Jesus coverage lately here at the PDJ. But let's face it, we're not exactly cutting-edge in this subject area. Jesus has been making headlines for, oh, I guess it's a couple thousand years now. Jesus is a very strong brand. Jesus has a lot of mindshare. (More...)
WE'RE STILL TOTAL LOSERS JESUS
Mr. Bad, Tjames Madison, and various other Pigdoggers of all stripe take on the makers of JERKCITY in a PIGDOG INTERVIEW DEATHMATCH. (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)
All this talk about death, wakes and Moloch recently has, frankly, got me a little worried. What if I'm next to go? I could slip on a wet banana peel and slam my head against an enormous brass statue at almost any time. I'm not planning well enough for this sort of thing. Who will talk for me when this terrible day comes? (More...)
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
