Build Date: Wed Apr 2 08:00:56 2025 UTC
We don't need brow sweating ogres like you coming on here, in a frenzy of chicken lust and cocaine jitters, attacking everyone like some kind of 400 pound, hopped up Truman Capote.
-- Ratsnatcher
Grape-Ass Motherpucker
1999-11-08 16:36:41
Yet another delicious SPOCKTAIL from the SMRL Beverage Science Labs! Check under the cap for your chance to win thousands of fabulous prizes!
The great things about the Grape-Ass Motherpucker are manifold. First, it's got a very cool name, if I do say so myself. Second, it's made with DeKuyper's crazy-ass schnapps beverage called Grape Pucker (TM), which is the INCREDIBLY WEIRD LIQUEUR. It looks and tastes like something that high-security prisoners smuggle out of the prison cafeteria and ferment in pots under their bed. It's INSANE STUFF. I love it! Thirdly, it's all sparkly and makes your nose tickle. Hee hee!
I first had a Grape-Ass Motherpucker with Taipan Enigma in his stately chinoiserie-laden temple high in the hills of Northern California. This top-secret compound, shaded by redwoods and encrusted with gilt dragons and blue jade tile, is a spiritual retreat for Culture Warriors to recharge their batteries before returning to the fray. T. Enigma often has his bodyguard Babu mix up a tray of Grape-Ass Motherpuckers for his guests to enjoy in the Cactus Garden. There they can quietly sip their drinks and contemplate the volcanic mists collecting around the head of the nearby extinct Mount Diablo, or meditate on the screeching cretinous mandrills that swing from tree to tree in the live oaks down the hill, or loudly chant the Lotus Sutra in Esperanto with the cybernetically-enhanced gargoyle monks in residence at the site.
I wish you pleasure in your Grape-Ass Motherpucker! May the peace of the Temple of the Screaming Electron always be in your heart!
Grape-Ass Motherpucker
Ingredients
- 2 oz. DeKuyper Grape Pucker (TM) schnapps
- 4 oz. brut champagne
- 1 small chip dry ice
Directions
Mix schnapps and champagne in chilled champagne flutes. Drop in dry ice. Serve immediately.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
When you've been up all night sampling other Spocktails and guzzling absinthe, you need a morning pick-me-up with some KICK. Time for a tall glass of Blurry Sharp Meltdown! (More...)
Johnny Royale loves his Trackman ultra pointer thingy. It's coolio! Read all about it! (More...)
The Peppermill Is Not Good For You
Paradise lounge on the strip. Expense it, bad boy! (More...)
Vacationing from Somnambulant Narrow Realities
So about six months ago, I was chilling in Chang Mai, Thailand with ICBINJ, perursing the Bangkok Times over my banana pancake and Big Chang breakfast when I spotted this article reprinted from the LA Times. It was about some kooks from California (where else?) who were claiming to have been to the front lines in Afgahnistan in mid-December and had recorded the whole feat on their website. "Holy Fuck!" I thought, "Now That's web journalism. Who are these guys!?" (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)
