Build Date: Wed Jan 22 00:30:13 2025 UTC
OK. What part of "Blah blah, blah BLAH blah" did you people not understand?
-- P a u l
Grape-Ass Motherpucker
1999-11-08 16:36:41
Yet another delicious SPOCKTAIL from the SMRL Beverage Science Labs! Check under the cap for your chance to win thousands of fabulous prizes!
The great things about the Grape-Ass Motherpucker are manifold. First, it's got a very cool name, if I do say so myself. Second, it's made with DeKuyper's crazy-ass schnapps beverage called Grape Pucker (TM), which is the INCREDIBLY WEIRD LIQUEUR. It looks and tastes like something that high-security prisoners smuggle out of the prison cafeteria and ferment in pots under their bed. It's INSANE STUFF. I love it! Thirdly, it's all sparkly and makes your nose tickle. Hee hee!
I first had a Grape-Ass Motherpucker with Taipan Enigma in his stately chinoiserie-laden temple high in the hills of Northern California. This top-secret compound, shaded by redwoods and encrusted with gilt dragons and blue jade tile, is a spiritual retreat for Culture Warriors to recharge their batteries before returning to the fray. T. Enigma often has his bodyguard Babu mix up a tray of Grape-Ass Motherpuckers for his guests to enjoy in the Cactus Garden. There they can quietly sip their drinks and contemplate the volcanic mists collecting around the head of the nearby extinct Mount Diablo, or meditate on the screeching cretinous mandrills that swing from tree to tree in the live oaks down the hill, or loudly chant the Lotus Sutra in Esperanto with the cybernetically-enhanced gargoyle monks in residence at the site.
I wish you pleasure in your Grape-Ass Motherpucker! May the peace of the Temple of the Screaming Electron always be in your heart!
Grape-Ass Motherpucker
Ingredients
- 2 oz. DeKuyper Grape Pucker (TM) schnapps
- 4 oz. brut champagne
- 1 small chip dry ice
Directions
Mix schnapps and champagne in chilled champagne flutes. Drop in dry ice. Serve immediately.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)
The quest for knowledge never ends at the super top secret Spock Mountain Laboratory, although it is frequently interrupted by beverage breaks. Recently, a team of crack ethnomixologists returned from a dangerous expedition to the frozen expanse of Canada with the much sought recipe for a Spocktail that is destined to replace blunt force head trauma as the major cause of brain damage in the civilized world. (More...)
Robert Helms makes a living volunteering for medical experiments. Though Helms — and almost all guinea pigs — get paid for their participation in medical trials, they are still "volunteers" according to a byzantine legal code. They are compensated for their time, not paid to ingest medicine. He and "guinea pigs" like him have learned the intimate art of taking catheters in their veins, tubes in their intestines, EKG electrodes on their nipples. (More...)
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
"Gee, I wish I was older."
"So do I." (More...)
