Build Date: Sat Feb 22 06:00:25 2025 UTC
In conclusion, you're all gay and I hate rock and roll.
-- Mr. Bad
Dead Man's Float
2000-03-13 18:26:16
The days are getting longer and, as the man says, the nights are getting HOTTER! Lick your finger, touch your ass and go *Tschssh*, cause the damn SUN is out now! And of course that means it's time for a refreshing Spocktail that meets YOUR NEEDS for a delicious booze cooler at affordable prices.
This week's Spocktail, "The Dead Man's Float," is a delicious creamy concoction with hearty flavinoids of every type. I first tried the Dead Man's Float on the porch of a decaying bayou mansion in the swamps of Louisiana about 150 miles from New Orleans. On the run from a group of Canadia-loving Cajun paramilitary types, I wore a large red wig and stayed confined to the premises of this "safe house," run by a cell of Pigdog sympathizers.
There wasn't much to do in that place except hack Perl, shoot at endangered reptile species with a big, rusty blunderbuss, and drink Dead Man's Floats pretty much non-stop. Some of the boys would get so liquored up they'd put on virtual reality glasses and go wrestle with the gators swimming only inches from the front door. Crazy kids!
Made with premium ingredients only, the Dead Man's Float can cool off even the hottest heads. Use French vanilla is CRUCIAL, so don't skimp out! Mix up a whole batch of these puppies today! Beaujolais!
The Dead Man's Float
Ingredients:
- 1 pint Guinness Stout
- 1 scoop French vanilla ice cream
- 1 oz. bourbon whiskey
- 1 sprig of mint -or- candy sprinkles
Directions:
Pour the Guinness out into your favorite pub glass, leaving about 2 inches of room at the top. Pour in the bourbon, then top it off with the scoop of ice cream. Garnish with mint or sprinkles.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
Eavesdropping on Geeks: 'Star Trek: Discovery' vs 'The Orville'
If you broke into Pigdog's top sekrit headquarters, spying on their mysterious mix of weird science and old-skool geekiness, you'd overhear this conversation: (More...)
The Ancient and Correct Sake Ceremony
Many Americans have learned to appreciate the delicate, sophisticated flavors of Japanese food and drink, along with the beautifully refined rituals of Japanese dining. San Francisco, as a gateway between East and West, has especially benefited from the flowering of Eastern consciousness in America. It is hardly possible to walk down the street without stepping on somebody's sushi. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)
"Gee, I wish I was older."
"So do I." (More...)
