Build Date: Sat Apr 26 03:30:25 2025 UTC
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
-- Ernest Hemingway
Spock Center for Intergalactic Journalism Established
2002-04-19 15:29:41
The Communications Department of the University of Texas at El Paso is getting a new Center for Communications Studies... named after Mr. Spock. For some reason, however, all the stories I've seen on this insist on referring to him as "Sam Donaldson".
It's a great idea; Spock would make an excellent journalist. Using his powers of Vulcan logic to sort out active leads and parse difficult subject matter, and his ability to administer a paralyzing nerve pinch to anyone who would dare to fuck with his First Amendment right to gather and report the news, Spock would and should be a damn Edward R. Murrow for our times. So it only makes sense that UTEP is bestowing this honor upon him and encouraging generations of future journalists to follow the Spock Path.
I just don't understand this "Donaldson" business. Click on that link down there and look at that Spock picture. Spock eyebrows. Spock ears. Impassive Spock muscle tensions in his Spock face. It's Spock. Who the fuck is Sam Donaldson?
Maybe I could understand, though, if Spock were a little wary of exposing himself fully to the Humans. The last time Spock landed on this planet, if I remember correctly, he was forced to dress up like a hippie and cavort lovingly with sperm whales in a disgusting display of late-20th Century political correct egozap by the powers that be. Yeah, if I were Spock I would probably pick someone bland and anonymous like this "Sam Donaldson" character to hide my real identity behind.
Wait! I've just done a little checking, and it turns out that this "Sam Donaldson" person is, in actuality, Extremely Weird and prone to random fits of public gurgling. I have to wonder just what Spock is up to. I'm sure it must be some sort of plot, but, hell, I'm no Vulcan, so I can't keep up with that sort of high-order logic processing.
Let's just hope it doesn't involve whales or William Shatner.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
We here at Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL - world leaders in beverage research and leisure technology) have been noting some complaints about a few of the last Spocktails recipes we’ve released to the general public. Some complaints received to barfback and pigdog-l have centered around the opinion that no one in their right minds would make the drink in question much less consume it. (More...)
What do Computers and Skateboards have in Common?
They both sprang from the mind of John Mauchly that's what. (More...)
Grow better illegal mushrooms than lousy "Psilocybe fanaticus"
Disclaimer: PaoTzu's a1 illegal mushroom cultivation cookbook is meant for educational purposes only. Be aware of the techniques used by hardcore criminals! Protect your children! Read, learn, educate. Do not try this at home. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
I mixed up this concoction a few weeks ago and can't get it out of my mind. It's green and sweet and delicious and looks great in a clear sports bottle, which won't spill when you pass out on the lawn after drinking the entire bottle through a Crazystraw. (More...)
The Ancient and Correct Sake Ceremony
Many Americans have learned to appreciate the delicate, sophisticated flavors of Japanese food and drink, along with the beautifully refined rituals of Japanese dining. San Francisco, as a gateway between East and West, has especially benefited from the flowering of Eastern consciousness in America. It is hardly possible to walk down the street without stepping on somebody's sushi. (More...)
