Vulcan Steel in the Hour of Chaos
2002-04-18 15:00:13
It occurs to me every now and again, like right now, for instance, that compared to some of my other Pigdog associates, I'm just not all that political. I just like Spock, basically.
It's not that I'm apolitical, or dull-witted... not too much anyway, although I still have trouble figuring out the plots to most Starsky and Hutch episodes. No, I'm fairly interested in the world around me. I voted Green. OK, that's a bad example because the main reason I voted Green was I wanted to see Ralph Nader mumble on TV a lot.
I'm paranoid and depressive, see? I pretty much worry about everything that anyone anywhere does at any time. So if I actually sat down and worried about what the government was doing every second of the day, I would never sleep. In fact, I would just watch old Hanna Barbera cartoons from the 60s, like Space Ghost, or that really odd one with the caveman and his young boy concubine. I don't understand that one at all. What is that boy doing with the caveman? Who are they fighting? What are they saying? I must study their habits some more....
Whoops. See, almost got off the track again. The only cure to this sort of proscribed apathy, of course, is to go off on ebay and look at stuff like this.
Holy Jesus! Who buys that sort of thing? And why? And how come Spock looks so, er, mincing in that photo? Not to be political incorrect or what, but Spock looks damn gay in that pose if you ask me.
The point is, I think, that when times are troubled and bad news has got you down, you can always go look up Spock on the good old world wide squirrel. Forget about Ashcroft, or the secret War Tribunals, or the Suspension of the Bill of Rights, or the US government's exciting use of the word "not". Just get your Spock on, y'all.
Like this guy, at the link helpfully provided below. He takes his Spock shit super serious-like:
"He wore pointed ears and a very straight face, showed no emotion and lived by logic. That was Spock, the executive officer who was second billed and best loved in the 'Star Trek' cast. "
That's just crazy. This whole page seems to be an ultra-serious appraisal of actual Spock music. Nuts. Crazy. Brilliant.
"In this album, Spock talks in tales and pointers which were originally precognitions visualized when Apollo was itself in infancy. And delight in the stories for the retained power they show for our present."
Actually, I think these were the liner notes from one of Spock's albums. It's amazing to think that people in suits, at some point in time, actually believed the record-buying public would swallow such total bullshit. But there you have it.
Blot out unpleasant reality. Feed your inner Spock.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
For all you Sensitive New Age Guys (SNAG) out there who complain about not getting laid, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: Women only like to have sex with jerks. (More...)
A Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Liquor
Curled up cozy with a good book? All warm and snuggly and thinking about friends far away? So am I, reading the greatest story by the greatest writer -- when he suddenly starts waxing philosophical about liquor! (More...)