Build Date: Fri Mar 7 02:30:32 2025 UTC
Innocence is for suckers.
-- Tina the Troubled Teenager
Krazy Kraftwerkish Swedes Love Spocko!
2000-03-13 10:51:25
It's true! Everybody loves Spock-o, of course, but nobody loves Spock-o like the crazy-ass citizens of the Kingdom of Sweden. And the Kraftwerkish lyrical stylings of silvery S.P.O.C.K just go to prove it!
Sure, there are a ton of bands with names that include the name of SPOCK, and most of them suck big rhino wangers. Like, they all ABUSE the Spock name without actually talking much about Spock. Which I think is criminal, dammit! You go buy a record album at the local Sam Goody outlet with the name SPOCK on the cover, and when you get home you expect to find inside some catchy melodies and heartfelt lyrics relating to SPOCK, and instead it's all about being SAD and ALTERNO and having dumb girlfriends and shit like that. It's infuriating! When I buy a box of SPOCK, I expect it to have some non-zero percentage of SPOCK INSIDE, despite any settling that may have occurred during shipping. GAR GAR GAR!
That is why the super-Euro Dieter band S.P.O.C.K is such a resounding relief for Spock-lovers everywhere. They've been recording songs that are CHOCK FULL OF SPOCK for 12 years now! Songs like "Never Trust a Klingon" and "Dr. McCoy" are INHERENTLY SPOCKISH. Yeah, they've got some of that Star Track stuff going on, which I pretty much don't understand since I never saw the Analkin Skywalker Star Track movies, but they make up for it by making important references to SPOCK. How could that be wrong?
The current line up includes Android, Yo-haan and Crull-E, and if you go to this site and look around you'll figure that these fellas are some kind of evil Scandinavian motorcycle gang, since they don't look scary and intellectual and techno like, say, KRAFTWERK. But LOOK A LITTLE CLOSER. They wear BIG SILVER JUMPSUITS and FLY-EYE SHADES, and have big "Wild One" haircuts. Jesus, man! They carry goddamn PHASERS, for crying in a bucket!
The music, of course, is hard to describe. S.P.O.C.K plays synth-heavy EIGHTIES-style art rock techno, and they have creepy-ass Dieter Swede accents. Which is how you know it's ART, and they're not just shit-house crazy. Although the two aren't necessarily incompatible.
The S.P.O.C.K page has lots of pitchers and data and information and such, and you can spend a long time dicking around there instead of filling out those first-quarter reports that your boss wanted last Thursday. The only problem I gots with the S.P.O.C.K site is that they don't carry enough MP3 musical stylings on the site. Where are the MP3s? That is what I'd like to know. But if you are interested in Spock music (and S.P.O.C.K music), you can always go dick around on Napster and find a song or so.
Beaujolais for S.P.O.C.K!
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Tastes like key lime pie, gets you hammered like nobody's business: Introducing the Key Lime Spocktail! (More...)
Ah, it's that special time of year again. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, crowded, dangerous streets filled with maniac shoppers rushing to the mall to buy Pokemon action figures, and getting hammered at the Xmas party and insulting the boss's hair weave. That's right: it's time to drink heavily and wait out life's little nagging miseries, holiday variety. Pigdog is here to help. (More...)
Pao Tzu: Obtaining San Pedro Cactus
Horticultural clone master, Pao Tzu, guides you through the ins and outs of stealing hallucinogenic cacti from your neighbors' yards. Ooh la la! (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
