Build Date: Wed Jan 28 10:20:06 2026 UTC
Nature is a lazy Mother.
-- Anonymous
Kooky Chinese Use Condoms As Balloons!
1999-06-18 16:12:25
Boy, you sure have to hand it to the Chinese when it comes to fun! China has taken our prophylactic technology and moved it one step further...
"Unlike you Stupid Americans, we know how to make sex education fun!" said a Chinese health expert.
"In your country you stick condom on boring banana, in ours we make fun time balloons!!"
Apparently, in an effort to compete against the U.S. in another "sensitive" area, the Chinese are concentrating all their energies on making sure that they are one step ahead of the game in prophylactic application and contraceptive fun.
The Chinese Premiere stated, "The people of China have been mobilized! We will not be left behind! We will be in the forefront of this new contraceptive fun, and we will be the world leaders in this field!" After which he proved his point by blowing up a French tickler balloon with a K-Y jelly smiley face painted upon it.
After one spirited rally, a student was quoted as saying, "We used to think that we should keep them hidden and only bring them out in the dark, but now we know we can play with them openly and laugh and giggle!"
Time will only tell if this new Commie tactic will work, but the U.S. had better watch over its shoulder in this ever competitive field.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Another Spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL: Home of The Deathwave Bar & Grill! (More...)
On a hot spring night after dinner and before the night's serious drinking begins, a Romulan Highball really hits the spot. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
Pigdog brings you SETI astronomer Seth Shostak to bring you the truth about Ay-leens (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
