Build Date: Sat Feb 22 04:30:21 2025 UTC
I know what a cat thinks. A cat thinks, "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Shut up and open that can of food." And, "Everything is mine."
-- Miss Conduct
Golf Bag Lighter Will Bury You
2002-04-18 11:06:53
Tell ya whut, you've all gotta get GOLF BAG LIGHTERS. Ninety-nine cents at the 99 Cent Store. GOLF BAG LIGHTER.
They come in many colors. Push down on the club and GOLF BAG LIGHTER produces bright shiny flame, useable for any number of flame-driven applications. I use mine to burn weirdos! Get one today. Get three; they're cheap.
Accept no substitute! GOLF BAG LIGHTERS say GOLF BAG LIGHTER on the side. If your GOLF BAG LIGHTER does not carry the words GOLF BAG LIGHTER, then you have been mercilessly mooked by enemy forces.
They are about the size of a small cell phone. GOLF BAG LIGHTERS can be wielded as a defensive weapon in a pinch. Ninety-nine cents. Only.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Owner of 6 Medical Marijuana Dispensaries Arrested
Reefer madness or a government fabrication? (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
It was the night of the Leonid meteor showers -- the perfect opportunity to break out the evil opaline liquor, get madder than hatters, and test wireless ethernet hardware... Would the plunging meteorites interfere with the 2.4GHz band? What about our delicate brain waves? (More...)
Tastes like key lime pie, gets you hammered like nobody's business: Introducing the Key Lime Spocktail! (More...)
