Build Date: Sat Apr 26 08:40:48 2025 UTC
Real world programming borders on the criminal, which is outside your thought domain.
-- Master Squid
PIGDOG JOURNAL CHRISTMAS ESSAY CONTEST - 20TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION!
2017-12-15 22:29:39
Because Pigdog.org is entering OUR 20TH YEAR! And because the world is even MORE BATSHIT CRAZY than ever! We're announcing the glorious return of our most sacred tradition: the Pigdog Journal Christmas Essay Contest.
We're OOZING CHRISTMAS and also FRIENDSHIP around here, with a warm fuzzy glow from the return of our regular krew of wacky contributors. Arkuat, Flesh, Baron Earl, Lenny Tuberose, and El Destino all turned up again on Pigdog Journal this year, bearing the gift of new stories -- just like WISE MEN who have TRAVELLED THROUGH TIME. And we also saw SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCES from Tricky Rick Moen, Thom 'Starky Stark', and even Splicer -- just like a JOYOUS HOLIDAY REUNION special.
Then the earth shook, stars sang in the sky, and it was time for the return of the Pigdog Christmas Essay contest. Started back in 1998 -- with a stunningly brutal essay about Santa's very bad night in Ontario, Canada -- these ambitious amateur essays have been tickling funny bones on the Innurnets for NEARLY TWO DECADES. I'd like to tell you it was all started in a manger in Bethlehem when there was no room in the inn. But it wasn't. We all just got really drunk together one night back in 1998 -- and now here we are.
The officially-official contest rules are as follows:
- Entries MUST be submitted to pig-edit-owner@lists.pigdog.org by Email/Internet Postal Delivery Service before December 24th, 2017.
- Entries can be ANY LENGTH, but all entries MUST BE WRITTEN IN ASCII text form. Any Word documents will be disposed of immediately! HTML is a big pile of crap. If you have some pictures of angels and teddy bears and Norman Rockwell Xmas families that should go with your essay, put them in your Special Wishing Place and wish real hard! And then don't send them to us. Just text. OK?
- All entries MUST nominally treat the chosen theme for this year's contest. (Revealed below!)
- The winner of the contest will be announced sometime on or after all the festivities on Xmas Day, Dec 25, 2017, after I get up and have some coffee and see what kind of delightful trinkets The Santy Claus brought me.
- Publication of your essay on the front page of Pigdog Journal, The Online Handbook of Bad People of the Future
- A box of luxurious beer-infused fudge from the Official Guinness Collection™ delivered directly to your home or business!
- A special surprise! Of the special and surprisey variety! If you know what I mean! And I think you do!
- Bring a pig AND a dog, and you'll win your own tavern secretly nestled among the hills of the snow-capped Ozarks!
But here's the most important part: the unveiling of this year's VERY SPECIAL THEME. To honor our 20th anniversary -- and to honor the return of our long-lost comrades into more BEER-FUELED FRIENDSHIP -- the theme of this year's Pigdog Christmas Essay Contest is:
- or -
"Life in the Resistance"
So get those pens and crayons out and START WRITING! Submit EARLY and submit OFTEN, because Christmas comes around but once a year. It'll be just like happy golden days of yore, when glasses of Guinness clinked together, as faithful friends who are dear to us gather near to us once more...
Join in the fun! Come one, and come all, ye faithful, to YE OLDE PIGDOG CHRISTMAS ESSAY contest.
We used to say we were bad people from the future. Now we've made it into the future, but the place is broken. And we're pissed.
It's time to let off some steam....
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
First in a regular series! The Pigdog Journal Spocktail of the Week features recipes for EXCITING and DELICIOUS potions and tonics for your quaffing pleasure! Gulp down a whole lot TODAY! (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
WE'RE STILL TOTAL LOSERS JESUS
Mr. Bad, Tjames Madison, and various other Pigdoggers of all stripe take on the makers of JERKCITY in a PIGDOG INTERVIEW DEATHMATCH. (More...)
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
