Build Date: Tue Oct 29 14:10:13 2024 UTC
This made me laugh so hard that gin came squirting out of my nose. Oddly enough, I was drinking lemonade at the time.
-- doctor obnox son of a bitch
PIGDOG JOURNAL CHRISTMAS ESSAY CONTEST - 20TH ANNIVERSARY EDITION!
2017-12-15 22:29:39
Because Pigdog.org is entering OUR 20TH YEAR! And because the world is even MORE BATSHIT CRAZY than ever! We're announcing the glorious return of our most sacred tradition: the Pigdog Journal Christmas Essay Contest.
We're OOZING CHRISTMAS and also FRIENDSHIP around here, with a warm fuzzy glow from the return of our regular krew of wacky contributors. Arkuat, Flesh, Baron Earl, Lenny Tuberose, and El Destino all turned up again on Pigdog Journal this year, bearing the gift of new stories -- just like WISE MEN who have TRAVELLED THROUGH TIME. And we also saw SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCES from Tricky Rick Moen, Thom 'Starky Stark', and even Splicer -- just like a JOYOUS HOLIDAY REUNION special.
Then the earth shook, stars sang in the sky, and it was time for the return of the Pigdog Christmas Essay contest. Started back in 1998 -- with a stunningly brutal essay about Santa's very bad night in Ontario, Canada -- these ambitious amateur essays have been tickling funny bones on the Innurnets for NEARLY TWO DECADES. I'd like to tell you it was all started in a manger in Bethlehem when there was no room in the inn. But it wasn't. We all just got really drunk together one night back in 1998 -- and now here we are.
The officially-official contest rules are as follows:
But here's the most important part: the unveiling of this year's VERY SPECIAL THEME. To honor our 20th anniversary -- and to honor the return of our long-lost comrades into more BEER-FUELED FRIENDSHIP -- the theme of this year's Pigdog Christmas Essay Contest is:
Join in the fun! Come one, and come all, ye faithful, to YE OLDE PIGDOG CHRISTMAS ESSAY contest.
We used to say we were bad people from the future. Now we've made it into the future, but the place is broken. And we're pissed.
It's time to let off some steam....
T O P S T O R I E S
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
Mozart to be inducted into the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame
Joining such hard-rocking inductees as Abba, Chet Atkins, Nat King Cole, and Neil Diamond, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame is proud to induct Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The end of summer is near and sirens call of Black Rock City are beginning to summons Pigdoggers from all of the world to Burning Man. Spock Mountain Research Labs (SMRL), the world leader in beverage science and leisure technology will be at our second home for a week at 5:00 and Infant (how fitting) as we enjoy the liberated lifestyle of a temporary community 200 miles from nowhere... (More...)
Things to Say When You're Losing a Technical Argument
Mr. Bad and Crackmonkey collaborate on a fine Mr. Bad's List. We put together ALL the TECHNOLOGY you ever need to know in order to STUMP your OPPONENT in a technical argument. Use these only when your back is against the wall -- they're definitely desperation tactics. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Pigdog dispatched special correspondent Ratsnatcher for a holiday reconnaissance of America's frozen hell. After ten days of silence, our shortwave radio cackled with Ratsnatcher's static-filled transmission. (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)