Build Date: Tue Jan 21 05:00:11 2025 UTC
I've left enough things hanging that they can't afford to fire me.
-- Mr. Bad
Tightening of the scrotum
2023-08-12 19:43:23
Tightening of the scrotum is a new trend in plastic surgery. Although the procedure has been rapidly increasing in popularity, no one had thought to scientifically study men's and women's aesthetic preferences as to what makes a good-looking, visually-pleasing scrotum. That oversight has now been corrected, thanks to a study recently published in the Journal of Cosmetic Dermatology.
The study, titled The scrotum: A comparison of men's and women's aesthetic assessments, is intended to compare men's and women's evaluation of various sizes of scrotum. The idea is to help men who elect to undergo this procedure decide on the best size for the most pleasing package possible.
People participating in the study were shown lots photographs of men's balls: big balls, little balls, balls of varying widths, balls that hung low, balls that wobbled to and fro, balls that you could tie in a knot, balls you could tie in a bow.
Here's a graph from the study that shows something, but I'm not sure what. I thought it looked like deformed balls and it made me laugh.
The study concluded that no one really likes looking at balls, that there's no real agreement on what makes a beautiful scrotum, only that there are some sacs that are less ugly than others.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
All this talk about death, wakes and Moloch recently has, frankly, got me a little worried. What if I'm next to go? I could slip on a wet banana peel and slam my head against an enormous brass statue at almost any time. I'm not planning well enough for this sort of thing. Who will talk for me when this terrible day comes? (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)