Grow better illegal mushrooms than lousy "Psilocybe fanaticus"
2000-05-16 00:51:59
Disclaimer: PaoTzu's a1 illegal mushroom cultivation cookbook is meant for educational purposes only. Be aware of the techniques used by hardcore criminals! Protect your children! Read, learn, educate. Do not try this at home.
Growing your own hallucinogenic mushrooms is as easy as sitting around and watching a rotting pile of dirt says expert Pao-Tzu. Sorry if you do not live on the Pacific Coast of the United States of America. Go waste money on those internet scam spore kits or whatever - this guide will not work for you.
Buy a bunch of shallow rubber pots (4-5" high, 1' long) and Douglas Fir wood mulch at your local nursery. Take a road trip to some part of the world where Psilocybe cyanescens grow rampant, like near roadsides along highway 101 all the way up the Northwest Oregon. Gather not just Psilocybe but whole mounds of dirt from the locations. Cut this with the rottenest compost you can find (your own backyard? neighbor?)... I mean rotten when I say rotten. Make sure there is already some kind of nasty fungus growing in the compost you use.
Mix the pots as such - 1/2 natural mushroom groundscore, 1/4 fresh wood chips, 1/4 nasty compost. Put flat rocks so that about half of the surface area is covered. If it is not early in the rainy season (October) when you begin, use a drip system over the rubber planters. I cannot stress that you should not under any circumstances soak the planters, this will promote the growth of unwanted flowering plants and grasses.
After the pots have lost some of their original stink, transplant Lycopodia (moss) into the planters. Make sure to use specimens big enough for the rocks to lay on. Wait 2 months.
HELLO. Cool coastal fog, frost, and buckets of rain should guarantee the mass of the planter in fresh basidiocarps each month. For a given investment, this means many many handfulls of mushrooms to clip.
10 planters should yield about one oz. dried Psilocybe cyanescens/month. 20 planters, 2 oz... Your entire backyard stacked on shelves (approx 300 planters) should yield 5-10 kilograms of mushroom per growing season (September - June). This is really not that many trips though if you consider any real mushroom addict will make super-potent tea.
Super-potent tea can be made easily by steaming mushrooms for 3 minutes in any conventional steamer (yes, you can make one out of tinfoil), boiling the steamed product for an hour, straining out mushrooms and simmering the rest for 3 hours to make a highly-concentrated dark brown liquid.
Alternatively, finely chop dried mushrooms and fill a coffee filter chock full. Staple the coffee filter shut and steam the filter for 3 minutes and let sit in boiling water for 30 minutes. This should be strong enough but is a slight waste of material. But who cares when you have 8000.
Killing your mushroom culture is easy. If you have to move and you are too paranoid to drive around with a full-scale shroom growing operation in your vehicle, simply douse each planter with vinegar and turn them over onto the ground. Note that the mushrooms will not rot quickly this way as the fungus which would rot them is kept at bay by the acidity.
Much easier to start, collect, and dispose of than some big ass aquariums, spore syringes, and kerr jars.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The quest for knowledge never ends at the super top secret Spock Mountain Laboratory, although it is frequently interrupted by beverage breaks. Recently, a team of crack ethnomixologists returned from a dangerous expedition to the frozen expanse of Canada with the much sought recipe for a Spocktail that is destined to replace blunt force head trauma as the major cause of brain damage in the civilized world. (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)