Build Date: Sat Apr 26 03:40:27 2025 UTC
Always do sober what you promised you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
-- Ernest Hemmingway
$0 down electronic enterprise
2000-03-23 09:15:40
Learn how to construct your own empire! Like Intel, SGI, etc.
> Where can you get a laptop with better performance > than the iOpener for $230?
From ME, of course.
IOpener has one key disadvantage to the P-style budget laptop, you can't take it with you.
A 100Mhz winshit chip... I got a P90 laptop for $241 and that's a real pentium with the actual floating point miscalcuations and everything. Screens on those need to be fixed manually, of course, but _I know how to do that_.
I am the junk computer expert. Every POS Dell computer from East Bay Municipal Utility District passed through my hands. I have countless motherboards, chip fans, powersources, cases, ram chips, MODEL M keyboards, 10,000,000+ bps communication cards, and yes even monochrome Samsung monitors (fuck hitachi!)
$200 for all that stuff and made more money selling the crap than I originally spent and still have static bag upon static bag filled with it.
My closet makes any Used Computer store look like a den of Apple IIes, any wholesale junk store look like the resting place of your CGA XT, and weirdstuff look like Red Foxx in Sanford and Son.
YOU TOO can pull off this bullshit in 10 EASY steps involved in the quest for obsolete hardware. Follow the directions and soon you'll be speaking chinese, wearing glasses, and getting blasted off of TetraFluoroEthane.
1. Rent a place for a month in South Richmond near 32nd street in one of those apartment buildings that are zoned as ``non-residential property'' in order for the landlords to house illegal immigrants. This is the most expensive ordeal, $200 avg. Make SURE it is non-residential.
2. Set up a ficticious bidness name in your county for yourself. Like Taipan Productions or Pigdog Unlimited.
3. Get a resale license attached to your ``storefront'' i.e. your spanish quarter.
4. Go to 23rd street in Oakland, by that ``Slave Labor Unlimited'' place that hires people on the spot for a days work and bribe a couple of people whose nickname should be ``Big Wheel'' out of line with a half eighth of hooter.
5. Take you and your crew in a rented U-Haul truck down to the silicon industry sections of Palo Alto, San Francisco, and Oakland. Bust open their dumpsters with a bolt cutter. Take all their computer looking stuff. Do not stop until you have taken at least 1,000 kg of computer junk.
6. Head down to a local computer auction and sign in, legally, as ``People's Republic of Pigdog,'' and make monster bids on whatever you are looking for. I'm talking bid $100 on a lot of as-is BROKEN computer shit. Give them $200 if you have to.
7. Get BWA, BWB, and Big Wheel Theta to lift the auction lot into your U-Haul and back into your storefront.
8. Get rid of the BW crew by bribing them with a half-empty bottle of VSOP and a 12-pack of Tequiza.
9. Fix everything and advertise junk computers in the Examiner for a week or so until you get enough money to break even.
10. Take your whole salvage back to your closet and put together 100Mhz computers. Remember, even if you quit early you still have to run the business name for four weeks to be legit with the county.
And don't forget, computer cases make brilliant drug smuggling devices.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
A Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Liquor
Curled up cozy with a good book? All warm and snuggly and thinking about friends far away? So am I, reading the greatest story by the greatest writer -- when he suddenly starts waxing philosophical about liquor! (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Body and Soul, a night of fucking in San Francisco
For the benefit of Pigdog readers, I took it upon myself to explore the deep frontiers of human behavior and attend a saucy festival of the flesh. This was no ordinary fete of carnal delights, dearie. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)