Build Date: Fri Mar 7 02:30:30 2025 UTC
"Squeal like a pig." Just saying the line conjures up images of Hillbillies and Ned Beatty's sweaty pink face. It's a powerful image, jammed into the American psyche like a fat Hillbilly cock in a tiny city-dweller's anus. The image will just not go away, no matter how hard you try.
-- enigma
R. U. Sirius Debuts New Wrestling Magazine
1999-07-28 05:07:03
Actually, it's not ALL about wrestling, there are also tons of raunchy sex articles, which is exactly what you might expect from something entitled, "Gettingit."
After you are done reading about Jessie Ventura, Andy Kaufman, "Incredibly Strange Wrestling," and "Flesh on the Ropes," get a load of "Boys Bending Over," "She's Naked," and "Pregnant Nymphos."
Famous reality phreaker, R. U. Sirius, has purchased himself a copy of the FutureTense Internet Publishing System, the same richy-rich software that brings you the New York Times, Newsweek, and Netscape Netcenter. He also has hired up a gaggle of miscreant net freelancers, bad English people, and naughty sex writers, to run the whole thing and write articles with sensational TITLES... titles that are guaranteed to get tons of search engine hits, but don't necessarily deliver the goods. That is, if you're a porn addict, or Wrestlemania fan. However, Gettingit does have some pretty good writing about weird pop culture stuff, net flotsam, and real gross sex.
We sent Gettingit down to decoding, and their analysis shows that the Gettingit style looks like someone took HotWired, Salon, The Onion, and Suck, crumpled them all into a ball, and smacked them against the wall a bunch of times, and then plopped down on top what may be the ugliest navigation bar of all time. Maybe it would have been better if R. U. has decided to go with the SUPER EVIL TABLOID web layout envisioned in the illustration for his editorial, " Journalism is Dead, Long Live Journalism," which seems to be the philosophical scaffolding that Gettingit sits upon.
R. U. is right, though. People ARE turning to alternative news sources more and more, and sensationalism IS GOOD. Everyone just reads the Sunday paper for the Target ads anyway. Not only do CRAZY sources on the net have better stories, but sometimes those stories are even TRUE. The now defunct zine, Tabloid, had it right, you can be informed and entertained at the same time.
But for sensational journalism to be RIGHT, and GOOD with the LAND, it must be unrelenting, lean, and powerful. Like Tabloid was.
As R. U. says, "....may the best tabloid version of reality reign supreme." We'll see if Gettingit lives up to that ideal.
T O P S T O R I E S
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
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Ah, it's that special time of year again. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost nipping at your nose, crowded, dangerous streets filled with maniac shoppers rushing to the mall to buy Pokemon action figures, and getting hammered at the Xmas party and insulting the boss's hair weave. That's right: it's time to drink heavily and wait out life's little nagging miseries, holiday variety. Pigdog is here to help. (More...)
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A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
