Build Date: Wed Jan 7 16:20:17 2026 UTC
Does this mean you're gonna want your porno collection back?
-- Johnnie Royale
Talk to the Bot, the Face Isn't Listening
2000-08-19 15:44:28
Wow! You know, using stupid instant messaging systems like AIM or ICQ has got to be the most inhuman and unresponsive means of communications ever invented by people. And just to show how amazingly inhuman it can be, somebody created AOLiza!
Here's the deal: the guy who runs fury.com happens to have a very common 4-letter AIM screen name. It's SUCH a common name that tons of random people send him messages asking if he's their friend Betty or seeing how the Toyota is running or whatnot.
It got totally frustrating for him, but he turned lemons into lemon meringue pie with a clever hack. He stopped using the handle for his own personal IM system, and instead hooked up an AIM BOT to the screen name instead! He first took a Perl version of the classic AI program "Eliza", which simulates a particularly annoying therapist-type person. He glued this into AIM with some AppleScript magic and VIOLA, AOLiza was born!
The AMAZING part is that the general level of intelligence of AIM users is sufficiently low that even with a low-grade AI program like Eliza, people can spend HOURS talking to a bot without recognizing its bot nature. Fury.com has assembled the logs for several of the best of these conversations, which are available at the link below. Beaujolais for AOLiza!

T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
It's that time of year again -- Burning Man Season -- and that means fresh SCIENCE! Here is a new lab experiment for the fruity hillbilly in all of us. (More...)
Experimenter is a film released in 2015 starring Peter Sarsgaard. It tells the story of Dr. Stanley Milgram's life, including the infamous Milgram electric shock experiment, tests on crowds, and his work developing a theory on the mechanics of social networks. It currently streams on Netflix. (More...)
The days are getting longer and, as the man says, the nights are getting HOTTER! Lick your finger, touch your ass and go *Tschssh*, cause the damn SUN is out now! And of course that means it's time for a refreshing Spocktail that meets YOUR NEEDS for a delicious booze cooler at affordable prices. (More...)
The quest for knowledge never ends at the super top secret Spock Mountain Laboratory, although it is frequently interrupted by beverage breaks. Recently, a team of crack ethnomixologists returned from a dangerous expedition to the frozen expanse of Canada with the much sought recipe for a Spocktail that is destined to replace blunt force head trauma as the major cause of brain damage in the civilized world. (More...)
Pigdog brings you SETI astronomer Seth Shostak to bring you the truth about Ay-leens (More...)
Spock Went, Spock Wrote, Spock Kicked Ass
Every Labor Day weekend a large portion of the PDJ staff joins 30,000 other freaks at one of the biggest and strangest art festivals in the world - Burning Man - somewhere on the edge of the Black Rock Desert. Our base of operations is always the ultra swank Spock Mountain Research Labs - the World Leaders in Beverage Science and Leisure Technology. This year, we hauled up our computers, printers and a massive digital duplicator, determined to become Black Rock City's third daily newspaper. Even Spock was surprised by our success - news will never be viewed the same on the playa. Read all seven issues of the 2002 Spock Science Monitor for yourself and see why. (More...)