Build Date: Wed Feb 5 07:30:21 2025 UTC
What have you done for us lately? Face it Chachi, you're a one ladder wonder and you're as stale as a two week old cod fish.
-- Johnnie Royale
Another Milkman Bites the Dust
1999-06-18 03:00:56
BREAKING NEWS: Moose Jaw milkman Bill Matisz has called it quits after an illustrious 27-year career delivering fine dairy products to the people of Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.
Matisz says he has no regrets; in fact, he's joined the demolition team that is currently tearing down the old Co-Op Creamery where Matisz worked his entire career! "It's a shame," he says, while acknowledging that it was probably inevitable since people just don't get their milk from the milkman like they did in the old days.
In other Moose Jaw news, the town will be blocking off Main Street for the Sidewalk Days celebration this weekend. Expect shopping, entertainment, food and fun for all ages!
Finally, teen newspaper columnist Christy Tkachuk wants to remind everyone that "Moose Jaw isn't a rainbow," meaning that we should all be careful not to discriminate against anyone just because they're not the same color as us.
Thanks, Christy.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Our team of crack journalists went insane, and made the drive from Concord, California to Concord, New Hasmpshire on Interstate 80. Read the insightful observations of our intrepid travelers made on their journey into the heartland. (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
Another Spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL: Home of The Deathwave Bar & Grill! (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)