Build Date: Wed Apr 2 11:30:55 2025 UTC
An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
-- For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway
Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain
2003-07-13 22:53:08
After a couple of weeks of tense negotiations between the Executive Branch of the United States Government, the CIA, the NSA, the SRO, the FBI, and multiple intelligence services of the DOD, it was revealed this weekend that the CIA would serve as the official scapegoat for the various intelligence "goofs" passed off as "facts" leading up to the invasion of Iraq.
Commenting on the decision to blame the CIA, a person on the phone claiming to be CIA Director George Tenet told Pigdog Journal that "People are comfortable with the idea of the CIA screwing things up. They're used to this idea. If we'd decided to blame the NRO, why, we would have had to spend a week just explaining what their initials stood for. With the CIA, that's not a problem. We're a household name. A known brand."
When asked whether President Bush and Vice President Cheney might have simply taken CIA reports that were highly speculative in nature, and simply attempted to pass them off as 100% Guaranteed True in the now infamous speech to the United Nations, the person that I'm 100% sure was George Tenet replied "No, that was Colin [Powell]'s job. There was no way we were going to give that job to Dubya. Bush might have let that smirk of his creep out of the side of his mouth while reading that report, and that would have given the whole game away. Powell can tell you part of the truth, make it sound like the whole truth, and never even blink. When we get together Saturday night for poker games in the Oval office, Powell cleans house. Bush will keep raising, hoping for an inside straight, and Powell just takes him to the cleaners."
"But then Bush just had to go telling that story about the uranium and the processing equipment, almost completely blowing the whole "plausible deniability" angle we like to use to keep the President Blame Free™. Once it got out that the story was a complete fabrication, we needed to find a scapegoat and fast. I'm downright proud to say that the CIA can serve the President in that capacity."
Tenet continued, "Sometimes you just have to tell comepletely outrageous lies to the public. That's the only way to get them to fall into line behind you. It's the only way you can really get your point across. You just have to get up, act as sincere as you possibly can, and just tell them a total whopper. Once you can fake sincerity, there is nothing holding you back."
When asked if he'd been drinking Tenent belched "OF COURSE I'VE BEEN DRINKING. If you had to take the blame every time that poker-losing SOB screwed up, YOU'D BE DRINKING TOO."
After that, all that could be heard on the line was the sound of faint sobbing. Then he hung up the phone and ended the interview.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Last week I had eye surgery and it was certainly one of the least enjoyable episodes of my life. Eye Surgeons like their patients to be conscious enough so that they can move their eyes to the proper position during surgery. (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Pigdog dispatched special correspondent Ratsnatcher for a holiday reconnaissance of America's frozen hell. After ten days of silence, our shortwave radio cackled with Ratsnatcher's static-filled transmission. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)