Around the globe tonight bloated plutocrats and their lackeys celebrate the grinding wheel of a NEW YEAR of the OPPRESSOR rolling over the bones and sinews of FREE MEN everywhere. But for the true friends of FREEDOM, it's just another 12th of Nivose. Beaujolais to that!

You and your loved ones may already be making preparations for the meaningless passing of another Gregorian year. It's absurd and demeaning -- this whole calendar thing we've got going on is the calendar of TYRANNY over MEN'S MINDS. The Gregorian calendar is the CALENDAR of THE MAN! No one with the true fire of LIBERTY in their heart and the light of REASON in their mind could bow to this asswipe annual turning of the screw.

I mean, the Western calendar as we know it -- its wonked-out months and half-ass arbitrary start -- is the product of IMPERIAL POWER. It was originally based on the superstitious gawping of shovelheaded militaristic mouthbreathers of Ancient Rome -- dickeyed together to honor IMAGINARY PAGAN GODS with SUPPLICATION and DISGRACE. On top of that, as the CORPULENT BLOOD-GORGED PARASITIC emperors grew heady with the stink of burning human flesh, they fashioned themselves as GODS in THUG FORM and crowbarred in new months to honor their own greasy selves.

And don't even get me started on the so-called 7-day week. THOR, ODIN, and TIW? My reason is bruised at the very thought.

To celebrate the passing of a new year based on today's oppressors is repulsive. To celebrate the year of ANCIENT LONG-DEAD MEGALOMANIACS is positively insane. Who CARES about Julius Caesar and his creepy bastard nephew Octavius? Who gives a ROMAN RAT'S ASS about the Gracchi or their ilk? I give them NOTHING except the flashing of my hairy white freedom-loving ASS.

No, it's positively impossible. The Julian calendar -- revised minutely centuries ago by a man who thought himself IMBUED by GOD with INFALLIBILITY -- is a sick joke unworthy of the most minor consideration by anyone with a lick of sense. It cannot be done! It cannot!

That is why true freedom-lovers turn to the only calendar built with LIBERTY in mind: the French Revolutionary Calendar. Developed by SCIENTISTS and POETS in a unique combination of REASON and BEAUTY, the FRC is rational and appropriate. No bastardized half-months jammed in to the calendar here! Every month in the Revolutionary calendar has 30 days -- no more! No less! Easy to remember! 3 weeks of 10 days each, every month! No exceptions!

On top of that, the months commemorate the natural world and the work of EVERYMAN. And the 5 (or 6) days left over are festivals that pay tribute not to long-forgotten god-beings but to humanity's finest qualities: reason, genius, virtue, and revolt.

The revolutionary new year starts not on some cold blustery non-event day like 12 Nivose, but on the autumnal equinox -- a yearly beginning that marks the true nature of a year in the earth's revolution. Days split into 10 hours of 100 minutes apiece, each in turn made up of 100 seconds! Celebrations of the Real World, and of FREEDOM and LIBERTY.

So screw this boring new new year! Vive la Republique! Fraternity, liberty, equality, and Beaujolais for the Calendar Nouveau!

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burton@pigdog.org