All Browsers SUCK ASS; Film at 11
1999-06-20 12:43:42
Ever try to make a commercial Web site? Then you know what kind of a royal PAIN IN THE ASS it is. You spend 20% of your time doing the real meat of the site, and 80% doing stupid BULLSHIT with JavaScript and frames and tables and this-doesn't-look-quite-right in Fuckhead Navisplorer four-dot-my-dot-ass. I HATE that!
The most gruesome part is that there's all these goddamned STANDARDS for this kind of stuff. Like HTML 4.0, CSS 1 and 2, XML, and ECMAScript (the standardization of JavaScript/JScript -- yeah, I know it sounds like a skin disease, but it's a programming language). There are TEST SUITES and REFERENCE IMPLEMENTATIONS up the ass -- and yet, none of the three major browsers comes even CLOSE to working well with these technologies. GAR GAR GAR!!
It's a FUCKING STRUGGLE to use the Web. I HATE it. It's BULLSHIT. But maybe, just maybe, groups like Web Standards can put the HURTING on the browser vendors to conform to the goddamned standards.
WebStandards.org is an advocacy group. They've got a real simple baseline request to browser makers: support the above-mentioned standards. That's it. It's not HARD to DO. The CODE is out there! Man, what's such a fucking big deal about this?
Sure, there are other things you can do to get these standards well-recognized. Contributing code to Mozilla would be good. Writing clever, angry commentary in Webzines helps, kinda. But really, giving the vendors a clear message is the best way.
Because it's not supposed to be this hard -- it's really not.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
The Innocent San Francisco Mule
Flesh and Abby have moved to an isolated rural location in the United States - equipped only with their sense of adventure. Recently they came down off the mountain briefly to file this report? (More...)
Hooray! At long last, a NEW Spocktail of the Week! Kid-tested, mother-approved! (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
The Liquidation of Hobo Junction
Albany, CA's homeless hooverville by the Bay, "Hobo Junction," is going to be torn down by The Man. Entrances are already being blocked off, and it's now difficult and dangerous to get there. Worse, these obstacles are making it hard to get to the nearby HORSE TRACK on foot. Local historian, Pao Tzu, has an overview of situation. (More...)