Build Date: Tue Apr 1 13:30:22 2025 UTC
I wish I had a chicken here right now so I could pull the head off as an object lesson to his evil little chicken friends. Fuckers.
-- Lenny the Nice
Having Trouble Deciding a Meal? Some Suggestions
2000-02-09 12:50:08
Looking for a hearty meal anyone would love? Why not ask the people who would know best? Here's a list of menus from people who had one final chance to pick the best dish ever.
The state of Texas, in the interest of cybermorbidity, has published a comprehensive list of last meal requests of those sentenced to death.
Most people requested either some sort of beef product (T-bone steak, cheeseburger, and ribs are most popular), or a breakfast thing. Only one guy who requested food requested something you couldn't get at Denny's: Ramon Hernandez requested "Beef tacos, beef enchiladas, jalapeno peppers, salad onion, hot sauce, shredded cheese and coffee." (And can you imagine the heartburn he's going to have, upon being reborn into the body of a newborn gazelle?)
A ton of people declined their last meal - which is a nice way of saying, "Fuck you!" to the people who are killing you. Robert Madden requested his meal be given to a homeless person instead. A bunch of people requested cigarettes, which are forbidden by policy. Delbert Teague, Jr., didn't want to have anything, but his mother insisted he have a hamburger - Mom, you're embarassing me! One just requested wild game and lemonade, but the people running the place didn't feel like bothering, so they got him a hamburger and fries instead.
A few people requested religious paraphenalia or abstract concepts.
YUM! ABSTRACT CONCEPTS!
So, here's the new dinner party game I propose: "Last Meal"
Everyone sits in a circle and one person is picked. That person thinks about it, and tells everyone what his or her last meal request would be.
If the request is convenient, everyone prepares the meal and serves it. Otherwise, they just serve cheeseburger and fries.
You're allowed to deny your last meal or request an abstract concept, but that means you get no meal. Vegetarians must request what Frank McFarland wanted:
Heaping portion of lettuce, a sliced tomato, a sliced cucumber, four celery stalks, four sticks of American or Cheddar cheese, two bananas and two cold half pints of milk. Asked that all vegetables be washed prior to serving. Also asked that the cheese sticks be Aclean.
Send Pigdog your last meal requests! Remember, no bubblegum, alcohol, or tobacco.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Blast from the Past! Pao Tzu goes over and under the crucial variables in the production and consumption of Salvia Divinorum. A must read for psychonauts of all stripes. (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
The IBM Selectric Typewriter Changed My Life
I ran my hands lovingly across her frame, lightly brushing her metallic nipples with my fingers, admiring the shapes and the ways of her curves, the empathetic hum she produced as I had my way with her, the way she made it all seem so effortless and right... she didn't even seem to mind the way I roughly manipulated her knobs and tweaked her casing. She was extremely tolerant, for a typewriter. (More...)
First there was the Bloody Mary: Vodka, Tomato Juice, Worcestershire sauce, some spices, and celery. We drank it, and it was good. Then any drink with tomato juice got a prefix of "bloody" attached to it. We drank them, and they were mostly bad. Now Pigdog gets back to basics and introduces The Bloody Dog, a drink with REAL BLOOD in it. HUMAN BLOOD. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)