Build Date: Sat Apr 26 03:40:24 2025 UTC
I am become GAR, destroyer of worlds!
-- Baron Earl
Excellent Forth Magazine Online
2000-10-05 17:36:45
Man, the Forth Interest Group (FIG) of the UK (U) is really pretty damn on top of things. Not only has their Web site been updated like 30 million times since the last update of forth.org, but they also publish their newsletter, "Forthwrite," on the Web. Which, like, coolio, eh?
No, serious, I know this sounds deadly boring, but hear me out. As I've pointed out before, Forth is the most shithouse crazy programming language in the entire world.
Sure, you're not going to get a big fancy job from knowing Forth, but who cares about that? Only shithead dot-com losers learn programming languages just to get jobs and make money. Fucking hell! You should just get a job doing Visual Basic programming for nursing homes with that attitude, Jimmy!
I can almost hear you now. "I don't *want* to learn Forth! I want to learn Javascript so I can make interactive Dyna-Hatemail fuckball Websites gar gar gar and get a job as Junior Assistant dickhead Website maintenance buttboy at Broccoli dot Com, the online broccoli portal." WHINE WHINE WHINE! I wish I could slap you through the computer monitor, you chump. Have some fucking cojones is what I'm saying here.
Anyways, to recap: Forth is valuable because a) it is so crazy that it will break your brain and make you the ultimate Bad Person of the Future and b) it will teach you how to make a fleet of warbots to take over desert Planet Garfalune. If that holds no appeal, and you would rather have a job maintaining convoluted stolen Javascript code for IE 3.5 for the Mac for the rest of your life, well go RIGHT ahead, you mongoloid subnormal. I can't really stop you.
Anyways, on to Forthwrite: this is a fine newsletter-like magazine thing put out by the fanatic Forth-loving underculture in the United Kingdom. Unlike "Forth Dimensions," its American counterpart, this mag is on the WEB, and it's also still being PUBLISHED.
There's all kinds of good articles available in PDF format, which is all right I guess. At least there's an Acrobat Reader for Linux, unlike cheeseball Quicktime, which like I'm kind of pissed off about. Anyways, where was I? Oh, yeah, there's cool articles, like on the hip Canon Cat Forth-based computer of the late 1980s and on Charles Moore's new explorations into "Color Forth." (Don't ask, d00d! You're going to piss kiwi fruit when you see what kind of insane shit "Gnarly Charlie" Moore is up to now! Serious!)
Apparently they keep the articles about warbots in a separate members-only newsletter or something, because I couldn't find any. However, the shithouse crazy part is still intact. So, check out Forthwrite, and rock out. If you live in the UK, join the FIG UK, and send me a copy of the s00per-sekrit members-only warbot article.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
A Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Liquor
Curled up cozy with a good book? All warm and snuggly and thinking about friends far away? So am I, reading the greatest story by the greatest writer -- when he suddenly starts waxing philosophical about liquor! (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Body and Soul, a night of fucking in San Francisco
For the benefit of Pigdog readers, I took it upon myself to explore the deep frontiers of human behavior and attend a saucy festival of the flesh. This was no ordinary fete of carnal delights, dearie. (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
