Build Date: Tue Jan 21 05:00:11 2025 UTC
I always use the Ed Asner test for my personal beliefs. That is, if I accidentally agree with Ed Asner, I go back and check my math.
-- S. Dallas, Esq.
Cheap Gas for Everyone
2004-06-16 21:51:00
Tired of bitching about high gas prices and want to do something about them instead? Here's a sure-fire way that your direct action can bring prices at the pump down.
We've all seen net flotsam e-mail forwarded to us by "friends" declaring another "solution" to high gas prices. No, I'm not going to tell you to stop buying gas from company X and company Y. No, I'm not going to try to start a national "don't buy gas on July 4th" movement. And no, I'm not hawking a 200 mile-per-gallon carburetor or the Nazi's secret formula for synthetic gasoline. This solution is based on solid free-market economic principles, it's amazingly simple, and with your participation gas prices will come down. Way down.
It takes months for a barrel of crude oil to make its way across the ocean, get refined, and end up in the tank of your car. But somehow some oil workers get shot in Saudi Arabia and THE NEXT FUCKING DAY THE PRICE AT THE PUMP GOES UP. Why is that? Eventually the price per barrel of oil drops back down to half the inflated price, BUT THE PRICE AT THE PUMP TAKES SIX MONTHS OR MORE TO DROP DOWN TO THE OLD PRICE, IF IT EVER DOES. Why is that?
The answer is simple: YOU ARE BEING SCAMMED. Gas stations jack up prices because they can. Consumers know that there's some relationship between the price of crude and the price of gas, so gas stations jack up the price as soon as there's any possible justification for doing so.
However, gas stations can only jack up prices when consumers are "price insensitive". That is, when convienence, force of habit, marketing, or some other bullshit happens that lulls you into buying gas at a more expensive station when a less expensive station is just a block away or across the street.
How many times have you bought gas at a station because it was the most convienent place to buy gas? Or because they had a mini-mart and you wanted a soda? Or because you bought into the marketing hype and decided that your car needs a gas with Techroline added to it, whatever the hell THAT is?
You may think "Why should I buy gas from a cheaper station if it's only 5 cents a gallon cheaper and not as convienent?" If that describes your shoddy thinking my friend, THEN YOU ARE A PART OF THE PROBLEM. If you want to be PART OF THE SOLUTION, keep reading, because the answer to lower gas prices is incredibly simple.
The solution is called "shop around". It works like this:
With your efforts, we'll all have lower gas prices.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
All this talk about death, wakes and Moloch recently has, frankly, got me a little worried. What if I'm next to go? I could slip on a wet banana peel and slam my head against an enormous brass statue at almost any time. I'm not planning well enough for this sort of thing. Who will talk for me when this terrible day comes? (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)