Build Date: Mon Mar 31 10:11:10 2025 UTC
There is a very good chance now that the most powerful nation in the world is about to become an irrational killing machine, and I don't think it will know how to stop once it gets started.
-- Tjames Madison
Mind-bending Braingames Torture Last Remaining Broomfield Survivors
2002-05-04 11:28:11
Tossed and flayed on a hell-sea of crime, the last remaining residents of the blood-bathed mean streets of Broomfield, Colorado endure yet one more heinous torture flame from the furnace of crime: a mind-boggling scam game that toys with the victims' very understanding of right and wrong, up and down, death and very life.
Thought through clearly, it seems brutally obvious that the easiest potential prey for con men and false messiahs would be the tattered and scarred remnants of the Broomfield burger class. After all, torn by years of criminal rampaging shit-storms, the disoriented and disheartened citizens of Broomfield make easy pickings for those who would capitalize on the weak and anemic minds of the damned.
But even so, the scam pulled in the story below is beneath contempt. Perhaps a human being's last true natural right is the boundary between life and death. And yet the confidence artist uses the shadowy spaces on that very boundary to extract the last measly savings of hairkeepers and their kin, gripped in sweaty hands of desperate proto-humans with nowhere to turn.
Maybe the jackals do swoop down on the weakest among us, but it seems less than human to parade the corpse of a brave yet demolished hair-dresser -- a hair-dresser on the edge of life itself -- before her trembling colleagues, demanding their last meager shekels -- a mere $136 -- in the name of respect for the dead. Toying with emotions is one thing, but toying with a battered man's very comprehension of the fundamentals of qualitative physics is something else indeed.
It's time to demand the final evacuation of all remaining refugees in Broomfield, City of Crime. No longer can they face this influx of snake-oilers and carpet-bagging hucksters, shaking them down for blood money on the edge of eternity. When even the human mind is subject to criminal rampage, is it not time to pull out of the hellscape once and for all?
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
So I was walking around the Tenderloin looking for stray twenty-dollar-bills that might have fallen into gutters, and I was thinking, as I often do, about my mother. (More...)
Pao Tzu: Obtaining San Pedro Cactus
Horticultural clone master, Pao Tzu, guides you through the ins and outs of stealing hallucinogenic cacti from your neighbors' yards. Ooh la la! (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
Johnnie Royale's Guide to Wakes
Wakes can present problems for Bad People of the Future. (If you don't know what a BPotF is, you need to read more of the PDJ.) Sure, your friend is gone and you miss him and that really sucks; it does, I know. But all Bad People of the Future are gonna die, and they have all accepted that fact. They do deserve, however, to have one final kickass party to celebrate all the bad things they've done in the past, present and future. And you, as a friend, have to make sure that their desire for a final send off is well executed (sorry for the pun). That's just the way of BPotFdom. (More...)
This is one for the Ages. Our new signature SMRL drink. We beta tested this several weeks ago at the Goat Brothers B-Day Party. Oh my! (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)