Build Date: Fri Mar 14 03:50:13 2025 UTC
I hate the French! Give back our weirdo hillbilly television, you goddamn Frogs!
-- Tjames Madison
Javertising!
2000-01-23 16:46:57
It's ADVERTISING! Using JAVUR! How cool is that!?! They even call it JAVERTISING, which I have to say is the coolio name of the century.
OK, I'll admit it -- I'm not a big fan of advertising. Actually, I pretty much hate it. BUT, and here's the big but, BUT, I love to call "Java" "Javur"! It's great! It makes it sound like the world's greates hillbilly program language. "Fix me up some of that thar JAVUR and I'll build this chicken coop with XML." "I hooked up some server-side JAVUR to the still DATURBASE and I think it improved the flavor of the HyperWhiskey a mite."
I love Javur! No other programming languages, except I guess Modulur-2 or maybe Adur, have the same great -UR ending. So when I found out about JAVERTISING, I knew it was gonna be great. JAVER! Right there in the name. Even though it ended with gross "tising". But what can you do, right?
Actually, this Javertising site isn't all that bad. All I can tell is that they do weird client-side XML stuff, which, like, whatever. I don't know what the fuck that has to do with JAVERTISING, but nobody ever called me a Web entrepreneur, so maybe there's just an enzyme I'm missing that would make this all make sense.
Javertising!
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Pigdog dispatched special correspondent Ratsnatcher for a holiday reconnaissance of America's frozen hell. After ten days of silence, our shortwave radio cackled with Ratsnatcher's static-filled transmission. (More...)
The Ancient and Correct Sake Ceremony
Many Americans have learned to appreciate the delicate, sophisticated flavors of Japanese food and drink, along with the beautifully refined rituals of Japanese dining. San Francisco, as a gateway between East and West, has especially benefited from the flowering of Eastern consciousness in America. It is hardly possible to walk down the street without stepping on somebody's sushi. (More...)
Pigdog brings you SETI astronomer Seth Shostak to bring you the truth about Ay-leens (More...)
Clowns Take on God in Mysterious Annual Ceremony
Last Sunday's (the 6th) Grimaldi Service at a small church in East London was a red-letter day for clowns worldwide. About a hundred old-school red-nosed clowns made the sombre trip to darkest Dalston to pay their respects to clowns who died in the last year and to thank God for the gift of laughter in a bizarre ceremony presided over by the eccentric Reverend Clown Roly, resplendent in a garish red lumberjack shirt with oversized gold lapels. (More...)
It was the night of the Leonid meteor showers -- the perfect opportunity to break out the evil opaline liquor, get madder than hatters, and test wireless ethernet hardware... Would the plunging meteorites interfere with the 2.4GHz band? What about our delicate brain waves? (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
