Build Date: Thu Apr 24 10:20:07 2025 UTC
Okay, I'm a humble coding monkey who wants to grow jungles in the Virgo Cluster. So sue me.
-- Arkuat
Zany 'Nucks Claim: "We Led NATO Missions"
1999-06-16 14:11:08
It wasn't bad enough that Canadia had to go and invent circus peanuts, Tim Allen and that "Are You Being Served" show on the television; now they're claiming that they were the big leader of dropping bombs on the Yugoslavia.
With only 18 jets in a fleet of some 800 warplanes, the Canadian government is framing their Serbian involvement in glowing terms of heroic Nuck battle against the sinister forces of Milosevic. "We are the leader of the world" is what the Canadians are saying.
It is sort of like in World War II how the Nucks are always saying, "We are the people who stopped Hitler." And then you tell them that, no, they did not stop Hitler. The Nucks were bogged down with Monty in the north the whole time while the Americans were slugging through the Ardennes. "Yes," they say, "but Dieppe..." Haw Haw! Dieppe!
Anyway, now they are claiming to be the best fighter pilots ever, so go figure this out. Also, the Canadian generals are saying that even though they led the whole invasion with their 18 planes, no Nuck dropped any bomb on any civilian ever.
"We're not aware of any significant civilian damage or deaths from Canadian attacks," said some Nuck.
Silly Nucks! No porridge for you!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Things to Say When You're Losing a Technical Argument
Mr. Bad and Crackmonkey collaborate on a fine Mr. Bad's List. We put together ALL the TECHNOLOGY you ever need to know in order to STUMP your OPPONENT in a technical argument. Use these only when your back is against the wall -- they're definitely desperation tactics. (More...)
It’s election night. My wife and I are holed-up in this hotel that my political party has rented out for the evening. Outside, people are being violently beaten for whom they voted for. Is this South Africa? Perhaps we’re in Haiti or some Southern state during the 60’s. Of all the places where this sort of thing happens, it’s mind-boggling that we are in Portland, Maine. (More...)
During a magnificent sunny day in a fast receding autumn, the Spock Science Monitor reporters once again blew the playa dust off of their computers and covered the 2002 Burning Man Decompression – held every year just east of Portola Hill in beautiful San Francisco. Both an afternoon and evening issues were released to the unsuspecting crowd of freaks attempting to in some small way experience the euphoria of the playa – if but for a brief afternoon far from the desolation of Northern Nevada. (More...)
There are two kinds of Assmen in this world. Wild, hairy assmen, who put stickers that say things like "Why Be Normal?" all over their trucks and drink Corona beer and wear fezzes at parties for attention; these are the Assman Desperados. Our job is to ferret them out and expose them. (More...)
"Gee, I wish I was older."
"So do I." (More...)
The quest for knowledge never ends at the super top secret Spock Mountain Laboratory, although it is frequently interrupted by beverage breaks. Recently, a team of crack ethnomixologists returned from a dangerous expedition to the frozen expanse of Canada with the much sought recipe for a Spocktail that is destined to replace blunt force head trauma as the major cause of brain damage in the civilized world. (More...)
