Build Date: Sat Mar 29 03:50:31 2025 UTC
OK. What part of "Blah blah, blah BLAH blah" did you people not understand?
-- P a u l
Canadians Are Still Real Dumb
2000-01-29 15:44:03
So, you should check out this little film, eh. It's all about the history of Canadia! It's only about 20 seconds long, eh, because Canadia has a dumb history!
It's really crazy! First off, this evil beaver head streaks across a Canadian forest. And then a redheaded girl with pigtails appears for no good reason. And then we see a moose, followed by a Mountie, and then the moose gives a BLOW JOB to the mountie! I'M TOTALLY SERIOUS! This is probably like a tourism department film or something. Then a polar bear appears and eats the viewer.
The reason I found this was I was searching for sites about Canadian Content laws so I could make fun of the Nucks. And I found this site, which is really for a multimedia company (the hoser equivalent of Purpledyne Multimedia, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Pigdog Worldwide, Inc.) whose stated intent is to produce CD-Roms with "Canadian content." Haw haw! No, really.
Their first release is "Anne of the Green Gables," which I didn't even KNOW was a Canadian story! I am an ignorant American, trampling people all over the world with my thuggish boots of cultural oppression!
Future releases may include "Henry, Le Petit Lumberjack," "The Bestest Hockey Game Ever," and "Wobble: the Little Nuck Train That Thought It Could, With Assistance from Her Majesty's Glorious Commonwealth."
I made all those up. But that FILM is totally REAL! It's sick! I can't believe Canadians are REAL sometimes!
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Naked Australian Redhead -- Missing!
She posed naked on the web, fought for pornography online, and even kept an online "Diary of a Virtual Girlfriend." But after earning a place in internet history, Bernadette Taylor vanished without a trace. (More...)
The Ancient and Correct Sake Ceremony
Many Americans have learned to appreciate the delicate, sophisticated flavors of Japanese food and drink, along with the beautifully refined rituals of Japanese dining. San Francisco, as a gateway between East and West, has especially benefited from the flowering of Eastern consciousness in America. It is hardly possible to walk down the street without stepping on somebody's sushi. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
