Build Date: Mon Oct 20 07:00:42 2025 UTC
I sorta want to kill you real bad right now.
-- Tjames Madison
Dr. Flufflay, or "How I learned to stop worrying and love the Marina"
2001-05-12 11:35:07
The Good Reverend gives the lowdown on a recent laydown.
Recently, I've been cruising Craig's List and lurking on the "personals" boards. Things have been really anti-yuppie lately, so I felt compelled to share my own story.
I used to have a grudge against Marina girls, for all the usual reasons. Then I had a great encounter with one that changed my life.
She was tripping her brains out on too much X one night at 1015 Folsom. I knew this when she came over and started petting my velvet top, but she told me anyway. Normally, I wouldn't go for her type: vanilla, dishwater blonde, wearing the same black synthetic pants, black top, and short black boots as 90% of the girls on the #30 do every day. But I was drunk, she was ready, and that was that.
She took me back to her place on Fillmore, and refused to let me leave the next morning. The sex had been better than I'd expected (who knew?), but the generic Ikea decor of her place kinda scared me. I was struggling to get my pants on when she suggested we go to sushi for brunch. (Okay, so I'm a sucker for good fish.)
At Ace Wasabi's, she couldn't shut up about how much fun the previous night had been. I wondered how long it had been since she'd had a guy go down on her. After she paid the bill, she asked if I wanted to do some blow. You've just got to love non-stop girls.
Her coke was pretty decent and I was suddenly attracted to her again. Contrary to her morning blabbering, the coke seemed to chill her out just enough for me to be around. It wasn't long before we were back at her place with a fresh box of condoms.
Near the end of her eight ball, I began to get concerned about dehydration and went to get a drink from the fridge. Her roommate was in the kitchen, peeling an apple. "So you're the one behind all the noise. If it didn't sound like Jenn was having so much fun, I'd be mad at you for keeping me up all last night." Before I could respond, Jenn came in and offered me to her roomie, without so much as asking me if I'd mind.
And so marked the dawn of my existence as a "Marina guy". The girls don't mind my cyberpunk look, and I don't mind their cookie-cutter clone approach to life. The sex is plentiful, my room is pretty big, and they do more drugs than Timothy Leary at Hunter Thompson's 50th birthday party. The best part is that I get ferried around in a convertible Beemer while coifed white boys pull up next to us and wonder how a guy like me ever landed a babe like Jenn.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
It was Friday night at the Casa de Baron and everything was in place -- a group of friends had assembled, people were setting things on fire in the backyard, and a Ferry Corsten double-live CD was playing on the stereo. Everything was in place to make further scientific advances in beverage research and leisure technology. (More...)
The One I Feel Sorry For Is Joses
We've had a lot of Jesus coverage lately here at the PDJ. But let's face it, we're not exactly cutting-edge in this subject area. Jesus has been making headlines for, oh, I guess it's a couple thousand years now. Jesus is a very strong brand. Jesus has a lot of mindshare. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
It's that time of year again -- Burning Man Season -- and that means fresh SCIENCE! Here is a new lab experiment for the fruity hillbilly in all of us. (More...)
Grow better illegal mushrooms than lousy "Psilocybe fanaticus"
Disclaimer: PaoTzu's a1 illegal mushroom cultivation cookbook is meant for educational purposes only. Be aware of the techniques used by hardcore criminals! Protect your children! Read, learn, educate. Do not try this at home. (More...)
