Build Date: Sat Feb 22 05:40:19 2025 UTC
I want my invisible jet, just like Wonder Woman. Does that make me gay?
-- Dag
Milk Sucks. Got Beer?
2001-02-12 23:05:57
PETA (No, not the People for Eating Tasty Animals, the OTHER PETA, the one with no sense of humor), has decided to CAVE IN to pressure from Mothers Against Drunk Drivers and ABANDON the ABSOLUTE BEST IDEA they ever came up with.
PETA, aka "People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals," doesn't want people to drink milk unless that milk doesn't actually come from an animal.
Soy milk. Wheat grass milk. Old mushrooms strained through a coffee filter milk. THOSE kinds of milk are OK. Milk that comes from cows, that you might actually ENJOY drinking, is verboten.
You can imagine just how effective an advertising campaign would be that tells college students, "Don't drink cow milk, drink this healthy and cow-friendly SOY MILK." OK, a few mush-heads would go for it, but most people, if you could persuade them to even try soy milk, would spit it out as soon as it hit their taste buds.
What to do? Instead of getting kids to switch from cow milk to nasty old soy milk, PETA decided to persuade them to switch to something that college students really, really like: BEER!
Thus was born PETA's brilliant ad campaign: "Milk Sucks. Got Beer?"
Consider these important facts (from the PETA-sponsored milksucks.com web site):
See? You give students an alternative to animal products, one they actually like, then you give them lots of NIFTY FACTS to back up that choice. What's more, if you can get those students drunk enough, PETA's other ideas start sounding like they make a whole lot of sense!
MADD responded to PETA's campaign with a letter urging PETA to "please do the right thing and stop asking students to drink alcohol." That was all it took. PETA caved in to the pressure and pulled the ad campaign from college campuses.
Let PETA know how you feel! Don't take this lying down! If PETA stops this campaign now MILLIONS of college students will lack logical and reasonable excuses to become binge drinking, alcoholic adults. Write to PETA today at info@peta-online.org and make your voice heard!
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
About 14 years ago when I was on a road trip and stopped in Seattle, I was invited to a party. At this party there were these little tiny glasses sitting in a flat-bottomed bowl of ice. Thin cylinders about an inch in diameter and 4 inches tall, with thick glass at the bottom. Into these were poured frozen AKVAVIT... also known as the water of life. (More...)
First there was the Bloody Mary: Vodka, Tomato Juice, Worcestershire sauce, some spices, and celery. We drank it, and it was good. Then any drink with tomato juice got a prefix of "bloody" attached to it. We drank them, and they were mostly bad. Now Pigdog gets back to basics and introduces The Bloody Dog, a drink with REAL BLOOD in it. HUMAN BLOOD. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
This was an old standby back in my poor college days. Back then the goal was to get butt fucking wasted for as little money as possible. The problem was we hated dirt cheap beer - and some weekends, even Henry's was far more lucre then we could scratch together. So we invented Red. (More...)
Extreme pimpin' under pressure ... how to tell a playa from a sucka ... keeping your hoes under control ... tips for mackin' success from Pigdog's own Terrordrone. (More...)
It was the night of the Leonid meteor showers -- the perfect opportunity to break out the evil opaline liquor, get madder than hatters, and test wireless ethernet hardware... Would the plunging meteorites interfere with the 2.4GHz band? What about our delicate brain waves? (More...)