Build Date: Fri May 9 09:30:10 2025 UTC
"Squeal like a pig." Just saying the line conjures up images of Hillbillies and Ned Beatty's sweaty pink face. It's a powerful image, jammed into the American psyche like a fat Hillbilly cock in a tiny city-dweller's anus. The image will just not go away, no matter how hard you try.
-- enigma
Hell House Scares the Fuck Out of Kids Yet Again
1999-10-22 12:23:49
So you've probably heard of Hell House before-- crazy Assembly of God "haunted house" that shows the horrors and absolutely inevitable consequences of sins. It's kinda like "Reefer Madness" but with adultery, homosexuality, abortion, and, now, taking out your classmates. But it also kinda reminds me of all those old Republican politicians who had to watch hours and hours of nasty, bad, dirty pornography -- all in the name of decency.
After forking over $7, visitors get to see stuff like two men holding hands who are then shown in the next room in coffins. Or women in hospital rooms, covered in blood and screaming because they'd had an abortion. Good, clean, church-going fun, don't ya know! This year Tim Ferguson, the guy behind Hell House (and one sick fuck in my opinion), has added scenes from everybody's favorite made for TV movie, "The Columbine Shooting."
I guess the religious right isn't having enough fun with pseudo-biology, so now they're moving into pseudo-psychology! It makes perfect sense! See, if a kid sees something bad in a movie or hears it in a song, that will make them do bad things. But if they see it in a CHURCH, then they will be moved to do good things. And if, somehow, the find out you're LYING and being gay does not make God smite you down were you stand, well, they'll still trust you that SHOOTING people is also a very bad thing.
Duh.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
Another Spocktail brought to you by the selfless beveratologists of Spock Mountain Research Labs. You do the math, we'll do the SCIENCE! (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
"Gee, I wish I was older."
"So do I." (More...)
On the Implementation of a Grocery Bag And Overforestation Initiative
Patient Joab and his evil cohort, Patient Steve, develop a proposal for the plastic-v.-paper problem that EVERYONE can be happy with. An EXCLUSIVE from Spock Mountain Research Labs! (More...)
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
