Build Date: Thu Jan 2 12:50:10 2025 UTC
I only need 4GB to list all of my faults. Tho' I have to use tiny fonts to fit it all in.
-- Johnnie Royale
Hell House Scares the Fuck Out of Kids Yet Again
1999-10-22 12:23:49
So you've probably heard of Hell House before-- crazy Assembly of God "haunted house" that shows the horrors and absolutely inevitable consequences of sins. It's kinda like "Reefer Madness" but with adultery, homosexuality, abortion, and, now, taking out your classmates. But it also kinda reminds me of all those old Republican politicians who had to watch hours and hours of nasty, bad, dirty pornography -- all in the name of decency.
After forking over $7, visitors get to see stuff like two men holding hands who are then shown in the next room in coffins. Or women in hospital rooms, covered in blood and screaming because they'd had an abortion. Good, clean, church-going fun, don't ya know! This year Tim Ferguson, the guy behind Hell House (and one sick fuck in my opinion), has added scenes from everybody's favorite made for TV movie, "The Columbine Shooting."
I guess the religious right isn't having enough fun with pseudo-biology, so now they're moving into pseudo-psychology! It makes perfect sense! See, if a kid sees something bad in a movie or hears it in a song, that will make them do bad things. But if they see it in a CHURCH, then they will be moved to do good things. And if, somehow, the find out you're LYING and being gay does not make God smite you down were you stand, well, they'll still trust you that SHOOTING people is also a very bad thing.
Duh.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
'Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch'
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
SF Hippies Can't Get Their Act Together
The annual 420 Hippie Hill event in Golden Gate Park, where large crowds of hippies, wannabe hippies, and hippie poseurs drape themselves in tie dye t-shirts and gather on a hill on 4/20 to smoke weed, was cancelled this year because the organizers couldn't get their act together. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
It's winter in Idaho, and Boise personality "Lego-Man" reports on how he celebrated Thanksgiving. "I fed my wife, mother and sister wine slurpies!" (More...)
A Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Liquor
Curled up cozy with a good book? All warm and snuggly and thinking about friends far away? So am I, reading the greatest story by the greatest writer -- when he suddenly starts waxing philosophical about liquor! (More...)
Report from Spiritual Machines
Arkuat gives you the inside scoop on the "Spiritual Machines" panel and conclave. Wacky excitement ensues! (More...)
WE'RE STILL TOTAL LOSERS JESUS
Mr. Bad, Tjames Madison, and various other Pigdoggers of all stripe take on the makers of JERKCITY in a PIGDOG INTERVIEW DEATHMATCH. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)