Build Date: Sat Apr 26 03:50:20 2025 UTC
Wow, this is like a tip you get from Martha Stewart...
-- Johnnie Royale
Hell House Scares the Fuck Out of Kids Yet Again
1999-10-22 12:23:49
So you've probably heard of Hell House before-- crazy Assembly of God "haunted house" that shows the horrors and absolutely inevitable consequences of sins. It's kinda like "Reefer Madness" but with adultery, homosexuality, abortion, and, now, taking out your classmates. But it also kinda reminds me of all those old Republican politicians who had to watch hours and hours of nasty, bad, dirty pornography -- all in the name of decency.
After forking over $7, visitors get to see stuff like two men holding hands who are then shown in the next room in coffins. Or women in hospital rooms, covered in blood and screaming because they'd had an abortion. Good, clean, church-going fun, don't ya know! This year Tim Ferguson, the guy behind Hell House (and one sick fuck in my opinion), has added scenes from everybody's favorite made for TV movie, "The Columbine Shooting."
I guess the religious right isn't having enough fun with pseudo-biology, so now they're moving into pseudo-psychology! It makes perfect sense! See, if a kid sees something bad in a movie or hears it in a song, that will make them do bad things. But if they see it in a CHURCH, then they will be moved to do good things. And if, somehow, the find out you're LYING and being gay does not make God smite you down were you stand, well, they'll still trust you that SHOOTING people is also a very bad thing.
Duh.
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