Build Date: Thu Jan 2 12:30:10 2025 UTC
I've been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plow through this shit one more time.
-- Bill Hicks
Hijacker Just Wanted to Fly Plane
1999-07-24 11:12:39
This story has something for everyone! There's knife-wielding hijackers! There's terror at 20,000 feet! There's Pokemon! There's the influence of evil video games!! It's great!
So this crazy Japanese guy just loves flight simulator games, like, a lot. Like he likes them so bad he goes out and hijacks a Boeing 747! He stabs the pilot a whole bunch until he's dead and then he takes over the controls. Only I guess he wasn't always the high scorer on those flight simulators cause the plane goes into a dive and drops a thousand feet in like a minute. This is enough for the co-pilot and some other pilot-type who just happened to be on the flight to figure out something's not quite right. So they bust down the door and tackle the guy and tie him up with neckties.
But now the door to the cockpit is open and all the passangers, who just plunged 1,000 feet in a minute, can see this dead pilot guy all covered with blood and some crazy guy all tied up with neck ties screaming in Japanese about Wing Comander II and so they start freaking out. Luckily, the plane is stocked with mind-numbing trance-inducing Pokemon videos! The flight crew pops a few of those babies into the VCR-- or what ever they use to make plane movies go-- and Boom! order is restored. Well-- except of course for the dead guy and the crazy guy tied up with neckties, but that's about as close as you're gonna get to a happy ending these days...
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