God's Movie Critic Gives Thumbs Down to Underwear

by Tjames Madison

1999-07-07 00:27:45

Bad People

This guy is crazy. Not in a good way, either. Crazy in "stop sniffing my buttocks, Mr. Marv Albert" sort of way. These are Christian Movie Reviews, more or less, and nothing in the cinema makes Thomas A. Carder angrier than house fires and adult underwear.

He has some wacko rating system called W.I.S.D.O.M. he uses to calculate the ChildCare Action Project (CAP) score of current films, the lower the rating, the less godly the flick. And Mr. Christic doesn't find much godly about contemporary films.

Here, for instance, are some of the things he finds upsetting about "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me":

• knife impalement
• death by fire
• an "aggression bite to the privates"
• punk dress
• self touching of privates
• pelvic thrusts
• bottle of Heineken beer used because of its phonic resemblance to slang for the posterior

That's just a partial list. Carder also notes that "Dr. Evil sensually sucked his little finger." Carder is also very sensitive to scenes that portray exposed underwear. In an informal survey, Pigdog found that 90% of the films reviewed at this site were marked down for inappropriate underwear display.

It probably doesn't need to be noted, but Carder sees suggestions of FILTHY PERVERTED SEX in all sorts of innocent things that most people would never consider. This is a real good crazy person site.

Check it out yourself

szithead@pigdog.org