Build Date: Thu Apr 3 09:50:33 2025 UTC
With the truth so dull and depressing, the only working alternative is wild bursts of madness and filigree.
-- HST
Female Sexual Pleasure Outlawed in Alabama
1999-02-17 20:49:00
Those crazy fundamentalist freaks have fucked one too many cousin! In a bill past late last year, Alabama lawfuckers outlawed strip clubs and "items to enhance sex" such as vibrators and even some condoms. The ACLU is suing their slimy backwoods asses for invasion of privacy. They also noticed that Viagra is perfectly legal and paid for by most health insure and that virtually all of the "items" in question are used by (or on) women. Seeing as how, for some women, foreplay is a not an optional part of the sexual situation (in fact some women _only_ get off with a little help from modern technology) this seems more than a little unfair.
This is nothing new. In the 1600s, a Scottish doctor complained in his notes that over half the women in Scotland use dildoes. In the good ol' days that these Alabama idiots want to drag us back to, women went to their doctors to have "hysterical spasms" induced--in other words, their doctors would jill them off so they wouldn't go crazy from bad sex. The vibrator was actually invented 'cause doctors were sick of doing all the work (apparently you can't even pay guys for foreplay). They used to be sold in every women's magazine until they started showing up in pornos and people couldn't pretend that they didn't know what they were really for (shoulder massager my ass).
The real fucking scary part is that this story is a 10 line blurb in the "Oddly Enough" section of Yahoo! News. Wanna guess what page it would be on if some state outlawed Viagra?
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
It was early in May last year when I first heard about Spock Mountain Research Labs. I was working on a story about a Hungarian scientist's new approach to nucleopeptide synthesis when I got a call from my friend Albert. (More...)
This week: another fine spocktail from the beverage researchers at SMRL! Drink it in peace, because WE DID THE RESEARCH! (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
My experiment is a failure. Rockstar-and-Robitussin tastes like day-after-Halloween bile. I'm trying to choke down enough to discover the effects, but no matter what those are one thing is certain at the outset: what I have discovered is not a Beverage, but a pale green and angry iced abomination.
You were right: science is not for the weak of will nor stomach. (More...)
