Build Date: Fri May 9 08:51:01 2025 UTC
Gentle Reader, The Word will leap on you with leopard man iron claws, it will cut off fingers and toes like an opportunist land crab, it will coil round your thighs like a bushmaster and inject a shot glass of rancid ectoplasm.
-- WSB
Bizarro Olympic Hijiacking Arrest
2002-02-13 11:36:39
The important bit isn't that this guy performed an act of extreme hijacking, by going to the bathroom 5 minutes later than the federal law allows. The important bit isn't that he faces up to 20 years in prison. The important thing is that he's BIZARRO!
Richard Bizarro was arrested for getting up to use the bathroom 5 minutes after the permitted time in Utah.
As far as I know, he was not quoted as saying:
"Me am just going to bathroom! Airplane laws am not restrictive enough!"
Because his name was BIZARRO! Get it? Isn't that rad?
Now, I'm not going to use some sort of paralepsis to imply that Utah has a strong trend recently of racism, especially against traditionally Catholic nationalities, and I'm certainly not going to waste your time, and mine, with stories of New Years' Eve Y2K and the government liquors of Cache Valley. I'm certainly not going to use any kind of paralepsis to imply selective enforcement of weird, Draconian laws on airplanes.
Instead, I'm going to make Super Friends references!
"Bizarro LOVES to go to prison! Bizarro am random victim!"
Apparently, this guy, who was 59, got up to go to the bathroom, and when he came back, he gave someone a thumbs-up. Which meant that the air marshalls on board ordered all passengers to put their hands on their heads for the rest of the flight!
There were three undercover air marshalls on board.
Uh, the Olympics was also involved. This is a new SLC rule, starting February 5, which forbids using the bathroom if the landing is 30 minutes away.
I wonder how long they'll put you in if you don't have your belt buckled.
But, boy howdy, I can tell you that I definitely feel safer.
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