Build Date: Sat Apr 19 10:40:22 2025 UTC
Oh good; more stupid. We were running low.
-- S. Dallas, Esq.
John Rocker Gets a Standing Ovation
2000-03-15 09:37:39
This morning, before heading into work, I was watching Mornings on 2, a local TV news program. I was trying to get a traffic update before heading out onto the Bay Area's freeway system. While I'm watching, the TV talking heads report that John Rocker received a standing ovation when he returned to the pitching mound last night in Florida. What's more, NO ONE on the news team can figure out WHY.
In an interview with Sports Illustrated Magazine two months ago, Atlanta Braves pitcher John Rocker repeatedly made racist, homophobic, and xenophobic remarks. As a result, he's been reviled by the mainstream press and also received a 14 game suspension which will start at the beginning of the next season.
Back to Mornings on 2… After reporting that Rocker got a standing ovation, the "news team" starts speculating on just why it is that this happened. They speculate that the crowd is "anti-media" and they're showing their support for the underdog. They speculate that the crowd is applauding the public apology that Rocker made weeks after the original interview. They EVEN speculate that the crowd is full of free speech advocates, and they're showing their support for Rocker's first amendment rights.
I couldn't believe they could be so dense, so I got on-line and started checking other mainstream news sources. ALL OF THEM seem puzzled by the crowd's reaction. None seem to be able to figure it out.
ATTENTION OLD MEDIA: WAKE THE FUCK UP! THE CROWD IN THE BASEBALL PARK IN FLORIDA GAVE JOHN ROCKER A STANDING OVATION BECAUSE THEY AGREE WITH HIM! THE CROWD GAVE HIM A STANDING OVATION BECAUSE THEY'RE A BUNCH OF RACIST, HOMOPHOBIC, XENOPHOBIC FUCKHEADS! PULL YOUR HEADS OUT OF YOUR ASSES AND START REPORTING THE NEWS THAT'S GOING ON RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!
As hard as it is to admit, Intolerance is alive and well in the United States. Yesterday, in a baseball park in Florida, Intolerance received a standing ovation.
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
Absinthia: The Pigdog Interview
Absinthe is making a come back for the Millennium. Even English people are slurping it down in pubs, eschewing their normal, healthy stouts and ales. And why not? Hell, if the planet is going to explode anyway, why not ride the DEATH WAVE in, and celebrate Y2K with the most entertaining and vicious elixir you can find? Come! Explore the "Absinthe Underground" with El Snatcher, Mr. Bad, and Splicer, as they interview the notorious absinthe bootlegger, Absinthia. (More...)
Yet another delicious SPOCKTAIL from the SMRL Beverage Science Labs! Check under the cap for your chance to win thousands of fabulous prizes! (More...)
It's not like I have a heroin problem, see. I'm just a self-indulgent brat who likes to live beyond her means. When I zip down to my corner Money Mart for a little cash-till-payday loan, I'm really not planning to spend it on drugs. I'll spend it on sushi. Seventy bucks of interest for a two-week $400 loan is perfectly reasonable, if you really need that hamachi. (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
