Build Date: Sat Apr 19 11:10:17 2025 UTC
You let yourself get sober. Rookie move.
-- Johnnie Royale
Oh God Make It Stop!!
2000-02-28 13:35:25
Please! The pain! Oh no no! Not The Positive Press! I can't stand it, I'm just not strong enough! Ahh!! It's all around me- stories of "human strength, kindness, ingenuity and perseverance," inspirational messages and essays! essays! and-- oh it's so horrific! **Warning: sensitive people and those with weak hearts should not read any further.**
I don't know if I can even describe it. There are all these happy people saying-- ugh -- happy things. There ought t' be a law! Here was have this amazing thing called the Web, and these people are filling it up with threads like:
- "all things are possible"
- "That special place"
- "be positive and all the hurdles in the way will clear"
- "let trouble make you a better person "
Ahhhhhh! They must be stopped! And I'm just the person to do it! For every happy fact they post- I pledge to put up 5 articles on PDJ detailing mans on-going inhumanity to everything!
Murder! Injustice! Stupidity! That is what websites are made of!
Please send contributions to:
Keep the Internet Dark & Dirty c/o Negative Nancy PO BOX 666 Spock Mountain
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
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Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
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Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
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Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
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Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
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The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
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C L A S S I C P I G D O G
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The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
All this talk about death, wakes and Moloch recently has, frankly, got me a little worried. What if I'm next to go? I could slip on a wet banana peel and slam my head against an enormous brass statue at almost any time. I'm not planning well enough for this sort of thing. Who will talk for me when this terrible day comes? (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
Ratsnatcher gets HOT HOT HOT in this classic road tale that looks at the steamy underworld of Bay Area Linux advocacy. Loosen your collar for this one! (More...)
