Build Date: Fri Apr 4 01:50:32 2025 UTC
Van Morrison would have arranged this song much tighter!
-- Arkuat
British Plot Against America: Squirrel Domination!
1999-06-16 03:01:36
The British are notorious for being nutty. Not only do they have bad teeth, but they have a strange love for squirrels. We here at Pigdog KNOW the evil that lurks in the hearts of _all_ squirrels, and we have diligently reported on their many vicious, hateful and blood thirsty crimes against humanity!
It seems that the Limeys have found a way to curb squirrel populations by putting them on the Pill. They capture the little devils and inject them with the stuff, or they hide it in tasty little nuts which are irresistible to the fluffy little bastards. Sounds good, right?
But, Nooooo! It's NOT a humanitarian effort on the part of the Brits...Not at all!
Instead its an insidious plot against America and all that is good!!
Those bad English people are only targeting the superior GREY Squirrel which is indigenous to our beautiful land! Our squirrels, of course, are stronger and brawnier than Britain's weak, puny, limp-wristed, RED squirrel.
Score -- Ours: 2.5 million. Theirs: 150,000!!! Hahaha!
Obviously ours are better. Once again, the Brits lost. We are just better, and they just can't accept it...It's so sad. Now they have resorted to cheating. At the worst level...Instead of working towards an end to ALL of the vicious little fluffy tailed bastards, they are building up theirs at the expense of ours. In fact,the Limeys are engineering what they call a "Super Red." Does this not ring of squirrel racism?? Ethnic cleansing??
If you are going to love, must not you love ALL vicious little fluffy tailed vermin?
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
My dear and close friend, Porn Maven Shannon Mariemont, sent me a titillating message the other day about her new project: the PornOrchestra. Her desire, at most, is to reinvent the porn soundtrack and, at least, to receive a cease-and-desist order like all her cool friends did last year. (More...)
The Deep Dark Underbelly of the Star Wars Myth, or Ramayana Remembered
It's a fact: Star Wars is a blatant plagiarism of an ancient Asian legend, and the long lines of devout Star Wars freaks are really unscrupulous Asian copyright busters. From Indonesia to Thailand to Nepal, videos are available for sale or rent before they're even released in the US and UK due to this nerdy camcorder-clutching bunch. (More...)
Poor Metallica. All they want is to continue to put out the same weak "Heavy Metal" they've been churning out since the "And Justice For All" days? and make gooey wads of cash in the process. The problem is, people aren't buying their bound for the heavy metal scrap heap, over-produced, uninspired, tired crap. And let's face it, their various commercial endorsements won't pay for the lifestyle they've become comfortably accustomed to. Resorting to lawsuits makes perfect sense, when you need spending money. But just one lawsuit isn't going to pay their bills. So, to aid Metallica, I've composed an open letter to the boys in the band, with suggestions as to whom else they might sic their lapdog lawyers on... (More...)
The Walken / Country Bear Conspiracy
As has been recently reported in the PDJ, Christopher Walken, evil s00per villain extraordinaire, will be appearing next month in Disney's newest release, The Country Bear Movie. Always playing some wicked and very disturbed badass in movies like Sleepy Hollow, Illuminata, The Prophecy I, II, III, Pulp Fiction, Batman Returns, The Milagro Beanfield War, A View to a Kill, The Dogs of War, Heaven's Gate, and The Deer Hunter, Walken is unsuprisingly a big favorite in the PDJ news room. (More...)
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
Brother Wayne Lays Down the Truth
Flesh interviews Wayne Kramer of MC5. (More...)
