Build Date: Fri May 9 10:10:18 2025 UTC
Esperanto discrimination once again rears its ugly head...
-- Benjamin Coates
British Plot Against America: Squirrel Domination!
1999-06-16 03:01:36
The British are notorious for being nutty. Not only do they have bad teeth, but they have a strange love for squirrels. We here at Pigdog KNOW the evil that lurks in the hearts of _all_ squirrels, and we have diligently reported on their many vicious, hateful and blood thirsty crimes against humanity!
It seems that the Limeys have found a way to curb squirrel populations by putting them on the Pill. They capture the little devils and inject them with the stuff, or they hide it in tasty little nuts which are irresistible to the fluffy little bastards. Sounds good, right?
But, Nooooo! It's NOT a humanitarian effort on the part of the Brits...Not at all!
Instead its an insidious plot against America and all that is good!!
Those bad English people are only targeting the superior GREY Squirrel which is indigenous to our beautiful land! Our squirrels, of course, are stronger and brawnier than Britain's weak, puny, limp-wristed, RED squirrel.
Score -- Ours: 2.5 million. Theirs: 150,000!!! Hahaha!
Obviously ours are better. Once again, the Brits lost. We are just better, and they just can't accept it...It's so sad. Now they have resorted to cheating. At the worst level...Instead of working towards an end to ALL of the vicious little fluffy tailed bastards, they are building up theirs at the expense of ours. In fact,the Limeys are engineering what they call a "Super Red." Does this not ring of squirrel racism?? Ethnic cleansing??
If you are going to love, must not you love ALL vicious little fluffy tailed vermin?
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Our man Daemon Agent checks out the heavy heavy sounds of crazy space surf rockers Man or Astroman?. (More...)
NASA's Mars missions keep blowing up and crashing, but dammit, when you reach for the stars you have to expect a few minor setbacks. Drink a toast to the men and women of NASA! Toast them with a Lost Probe mixed up with your own two (or three) hands! (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
Three Days and 25 Spocktails: A Cautionary Tale
Johnnie Royale picked me up from the dental surgery. I felt warm, safe, cradled in the anathesia's loving embrace. The pharmacy downstairs gave me a bottle of Vicodin and a few instructions: take it with food, don't mix with alcohol, don't operate heavy machinery. I put it in my pocket and we left. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to go to a bar?" asked Johnnie. (More...)
Songs Of Love And Special Things
Well, dear reader, there's no denying it: Spring has sprung. The air is pungent with the fertile aroma of Romance. And you know what goes with Romance, don't you? That's right, Lover, porn. And not just any porn, but the kind you can sing along to. (More...)
The Innocent San Francisco Mule
Flesh and Abby have moved to an isolated rural location in the United States - equipped only with their sense of adventure. Recently they came down off the mountain briefly to file this report? (More...)