Build Date: Sun Apr 20 16:40:27 2025 UTC
we are being too nice. i miss nastiness and perversion.
-- rotten elf
Enraged Bull Leaves Wake of Destruction in Helpless Spokane!!!
2000-05-01 15:49:22
Spokane, WA has been the latest victim of an ANIMAL RAMPAGE in North America. A maddened 2,000-lb. bull, driven insane by the torture and taunts of a rodeo crowd, threw its rider, broke out of the ring and ran wild in the streets of Spokane!
The frenzied animal charged through the streets of this tiny town, easily out-weighing all the police cars on Spokane's puny force. Despite SHOTGUN BLASTS from Spokane's finest, it continued running, crunching a compact car like a Mountain Dew can in the process!
Amazingly, this out-of-control behemoth managed to escape into the woods! It made a break for it, and then got out to freedom! As of this writing, the huge rhinoceros-like creature is still at large, knocking over might redwoods and gigantic boulders in its total furor of destruction.
Police have asked Spokane residents to keep an eye out for the bull. The bull is 6'-4" tall, about 8-1/2' long, brick red with matted sweaty fur, razor-sharp hooves, and telltale buckshot scars on its monumental ass. It will be readily recognizable as a gigantic, hairy bovine creature snorting huge gusts of steam out of its bloodied snout like a demon from Hell's worst nightmare as it crushes automobiles, backhoes, small homes, freeway overpasses, and anything else that stands in its way.
If you DO encounter the bull, DO NOT try to confront it! Instead, play music of unearthly beauty on your violin that will soothe and charm the savage beast. When it is overcome with aesthetic emotions and subdued, hit it on the head with a shovel.
This is one really angry bull, folks. We haven't had any Animal Rampage stories on PDJ for a while -- I think the good economy has kept most of them employed and relatively happy -- but this MAY be a sign of new rampages to come. Who knows what kind of gentle monsters will be driven OVER THE EDGE in the next few days -- especially having heard of this bull's successful bid for freedom?
T O P S T O R I E S
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
Canadia Revealed: A Brief Guide to a Large Country
Recently Pigdog has received many letters from readers who are apparently puzzled and upset by our regular coverage of the mysterious nation north of our border, Canadia. (More...)
High Availability Guinness Stress Test
All too often we forget the incredible depth of technology behind the weekly ritual of TNiPN@*. We tend to only become aware of the strategy of High Available Guinness (HAG) when it rises to the forefront during a complete and utter venue failure. Yet we should all be super grateful that this system exists. (More...)
Skunk School -- Learn Why Not To Keep Skunks As Pets
There is an alarming trend in pet purchasing habits this fall. People inspired by the WWII film, "Life is Beautiful" -- the one with that annoying Italian guy -- are buying descented skunks by the millions. (More...)
The One I Feel Sorry For Is Joses
We've had a lot of Jesus coverage lately here at the PDJ. But let's face it, we're not exactly cutting-edge in this subject area. Jesus has been making headlines for, oh, I guess it's a couple thousand years now. Jesus is a very strong brand. Jesus has a lot of mindshare. (More...)
The Innocent San Francisco Mule
Flesh and Abby have moved to an isolated rural location in the United States - equipped only with their sense of adventure. Recently they came down off the mountain briefly to file this report? (More...)
