Build Date: Sat Feb 22 15:40:40 2025 UTC
Use your words people. Use your words, cause they're all you have.
-- Miss Conduct
Free Stickers from the STW Alien Resistance Movement
1999-05-25 03:30:25
If you too are getting fed up with aliens (especially the Zeta Reticulans, AKA "grays") and all of this kidnapping, perverse reproduction experimentation, mutilation of livestock, and skulking about in flying saucers all the time, now you can fight back with FREE stickers, and other alien resistance stuff!
One day in traffic I saw a hillbilly truck with a bumper sticker that had a picture of an alien (a gray) with a gun to its head, and the slogan, "Aliens Suck!" So I knew there were groups out there actively opposing the activities of these apparently malevolent beings that visit our planet so often -- mostly underground and rural.
Many people wonder, why is it that these little bug-eyed bastards seem to be reported most often by hillbillies and those in rural areas? The reason is simple. It's the hillbillies... rednecks, hicks -- whatever you want to call them -- who the aliens fear most. A hillbilly is likely to be armed, and take a "shoot first, ask questions later" attitude. Unlike our leaders, they are idealists, and wont settle for some sort of compromise in which the aliens are allowed to harvest only a "few" humans for their nefarious purposes in exchange for leaving the rest of us alone...
The aliens are working on this hillbilly problem. And it is a terrible problem for them if they wish to control this world. According to J. W. Williamson Ph.D., Appalachian researcher, and author of, Hillbillyland: What the Movies Did to the Mountains and What the Mountains Did to the Movies, hillbillies exist in just about every country in the world. They even have Chinese hillbillies!
But it is not fair to let our hillbilly population bear the brunt of the alien guerrilla war against humanity. It is time for the rest of the world to become aware of this grave situation. That's where the STW Alien Resistance Movement comes in. They have FREE anti-alien stickers. Get as many as you can, and paste them everywhere!
(Found on Memepool.)
T O P S T O R I E S
The Future Ain't What It Used To Be
Ideas have taken horrifying shape and rooted into our modern reality. (More...)
The Once & Future King of Dust
Only The Onion could have acquired Infowarts. (More...)
Another Nobel Prize-Winning Author Describes Drunkenness
This book won a Pulitzer Prize. Here's its famous paragraph on getting drunk... (More...)
Why I'm pretty sure JD Vance had sex with a couch
True or false? The answers await us in that magical land where all truths are revealed -- the internet. (More...)
In 2010 Dr. Cheng-Huai Ruan discovered a way to cause a patient with an abnormal heartbeat to get back into a normal rhythm by sticking a finger up the patient's ass. (More...)
WKRP in Cincinnati aired from 1978 through 1982. Howard Hesseman played Dr. Johnny Fever, a DJ from Los Angeles who was fired from his previous job for saying the word "booger" on the air. In the show Hesseman would do some dialogue, introduce a song, and start the song. You'd hear a few notes, but never the whole song. (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
Paranoid Strippers & Psychotic Crack Dealers (Tales of Christmas Eve)
Christmas day, for the last 17 or so years has bored me. I find that the real fun and excitement always takes place on Christmas Eve. Every other year, it's the excitement of the metaphorical hunt instead of the kill. Otherwise, it's just plain bad craziness. (More...)
I just came across this coolio essay by Pigdog Journal Science Editor binky wedged between two staves in the back corner of the submissions barrel. It's on the origin of the cyberbilly and is definitely de rigeur for any serious student of this fascinating sociological movement. (More...)
An innocent trip to the Central Market resulted in a severe attack of arachnophobia (and a meal) when a depraved street kid set her vicious pet spider on an unsuspecting shopper. (More...)
Patient Joab's scientifick editorial discusses aspect of the space-time-beer continuum never before processed by sub-bush-robot minds!!! Too fabulantastic to contempulate! (More...)
A Treatise Prepared for the Gallup Organization on the Symbolism of the Scarab
Well dahlings, the response to my new tarot column has been quite overwhelming. I got three whole pieces of mail requesting my arcane insight. One asked why blogs suck so much, and one was a completely incomprehensible tale of bears shitting random numbers in the woods — I am fairly certain it was a cryptographic allegory. Howsomever, only ONE of the inquiries was accompanied by a crisp ten-dollar bill, and so it's the Gallup Organization that will this week reap the benefit of my wicked pack of cards. (More...)
A Day in the Life of a Beverotologist
It was starting to look like a very boring Saturday, trapped as I was in the suburban wastelands of the outer Bay Area, so I called my Able Assistant (AA) and proposed that we perform some Spocktail field tests. For some time I've been working on creating the quintessential cinematic beverage and even tho' SMRL does most of its testing during nocturnal hours, this seemed an opportune time to roll up the sleeves of our labcoats and get some science done. While the beverotology creation tested this day (The Neurotoxin) must be deemed a success, this article focuses more the journey of the experimenters, rather then the science of beverotology. (More...)
