Build Date: Tue Apr 21 14:40:09 2026 UTC
I'm not smug. I just have a list of people I want to see dead.
-- Head-freezin' Gene
Mars Slushie!
2002-05-28 18:29:44
In a suprise move today NASA scientists released data from the 2001 Mars Odyssey spacecraft showing that water -- trapped as ice just under the Martian surface -- exists in large quantities on the red planet. According to scientists, enough water exists to fill Lake Michigan twice over, if you don't mind filling it with slushy red mud.
"We were as suprised as anyone that we actually got some usable data out of a Mars probe," one anonymous NASA scientist opined, referring to the spate of problems NASA has had getting data from earlier Mars spacecraft.
"We were about to whip up another batch of Lost Probes and drown our sorrows," he continued, "then one of the interns realized we were reading the data right to left when we should be reading it left to right. Duh! Once we got that straightened out someone else figured out that the aich-too-oh readings on the screen refer to water! Water on Mars! Who'd a thunk it?"
He then passed out into the pretzel bowl on the bar, overcome with scientific joy. Further questions were answered with loud snores.
T O P S T O R I E S
The Crossroads are real and The Blues is a place; The enduring myth of Robert Johnson (More...)
California Glory Hole attracts huge crowds
A glory hole at Napa's Lake Berryessa is drawing huge crowds. According to Chris Lee, the general manager for the Solano County Water Agency, the glory hole hasn't been active since 2019, and only restarted operations on Feb 4. (More...)
Republican State Senator busted after soliciting a teenage girl
Republican State Senator Justin Eichorn of Minnesota was arrested for soliciting a teen girl on Monday just hours after he introduced a bill proposing "Trump derangement syndrome" (TDS) as a form of mental illness. (More...)
Parents claim measles is not that bad after having only one child die
The parents of a Texas girl who died from the measles are defending their decision not to vaccinate their daughter. "She says they would still say 'Don't do the shots,'" an unidentified translator for the parents said. "They think it’s not as bad as the media is making it out to be." (More...)
Delusional rich man tries to fire town staff
"I'm mayor now" said write-in mayoral candidate and founder of Pirate’s Booty Snacks Robert Ehrlich after losing the election for Mayor of Sea Cliff, NY. Then he tried to take over the Village Hall and fire everyone. (More...)
Musk claims Xitter security is staffed by idiots
Earlier this month Xitter experienced a massive outage. In an interview, Musk told Fox Business that he believes the attack came from "IP addresses originating in the Ukraine area." (More...)
C L A S S I C P I G D O G
On a hot spring night after dinner and before the night's serious drinking begins, a Romulan Highball really hits the spot. (More...)
We here in SMRL's Beverage Research Lab realize that there is more to life than just drinking spocktails. It's important to have other activities. One such activity that we wholeheartedly support is dancing six or more hours to Trance music. So we have designed a drink to accommodate this. (More...)
What the hell is going on with Sony?
Is anyone else as confused as I am with what's happening with the Sony Playstation network hack? (More...)
Grow better illegal mushrooms than lousy "Psilocybe fanaticus"
Disclaimer: PaoTzu's a1 illegal mushroom cultivation cookbook is meant for educational purposes only. Be aware of the techniques used by hardcore criminals! Protect your children! Read, learn, educate. Do not try this at home. (More...)
Place the Lighter on the Ground and Let Us See Your Hands
So I have been thinking on this whole flag burning issue and all the things it could imply. Now a lot of people right now are saying that there are more important issues at stake and something so trivial is a waste of time. Believing such is really losing sight of some very key changes happening in our nation right now. Being a strict conservative, and currently serving in Iraq, I was surprised to find that I am actually appalled that the House approved a ban on flag burning. (More...)
When you've been up all night sampling other Spocktails and guzzling absinthe, you need a morning pick-me-up with some KICK. Time for a tall glass of Blurry Sharp Meltdown! (More...)
